Greetings from Kelly Urich from GEN X RADIO 99.7!

I’ve done radio in Kansas City for over 20 years and I’ve never once been voted employee of the month.

TOP 5 THINGS OVERHEARD AT A KANSAS CITY THANKSGIVING DINNER:

#5.  If I eat any more it’ll take two TSA agents to grope me at the airport.
#4.  Get a towel, Dwayne Bowe just dropped the turkey.
#3.  There must have been half a million people at the lighting ceremony.
#2.  Mayor Funkhouser is here to put the star on top of the tree.
#1.  Pass the BBQ Sauce!

Last week we broke the news the #1 turn on smell for a man is for his lady to smell like pumpkin pie.  LADIES….If you tried this on your man, report back to me Monday…AND I WANT VIDEO.

President Obama pardoned two turkeys for Thanksgiving.  One was named Apple, and the other was Cider.
**Since then one of the turkeys has died from natural causes.  He was on the Obama healthcare plan.

Things are out of control in Kansas City.  It’s not even Christmas yet and already people are vomiting in Westport like it’s St. Patrick’s Day.

WHY DID ANYONE COOK FOR THANKSGIVING WHEN THE McRIB IS BACK?

Prince William and Kate Middleton are set to wed on April 29th.
**Kate can hardly wait for the bachelorette party.  Yesterday she was photographed wearing a “suck-for-a-buck” t-shirt.

Good news!  The giant West Edge project on the Country Club Plaza finally sold.
Bad news!  It sold to Dollar General Store.

Quote of the Week – from subscriber Robert Earnest in Vancouver, B.C.

“Remember, if the indians had given the pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey, we’d all be getting a piece of a$$ for Thanksgiving.”

Quote of the Week #2 – Dennis Miller

“Pelosi Galore!”

This morning I went to KCI and held a sign that said FREE GROPES.  I’ve never met so many male flight attendants.

The latest trend in kids’ school photos is having them airbrushed and digitally altered like photos of celebrities on magazine covers.
**My parents used to have my photo cropped and replaced with the neighbor’s kids.
**When I ran away they put my photo on a carton of milk duds.
**When they split up they fought over custody of the refrigerator.

50 year old Jennifer Grey won Dancing with the Stars last night.  The Bristol Palin experiment is done.  Ironic, but when Jennifer dances, the MEN ALL PAUSE.

FYI Taylor Swift is coming to Arrowhead next year for a giant concert, September 24.
**Which is sad because Beyoncé did the best show there of all time!
Despite what you think about the economy, American businesses just had a record quarter with profits of $1.66 trillion.
**It’s easy to take a profit when you’re only paying a couple of employees to work.

Former President Bush spoke in Kansas City Monday promoting his new book.  He was on Oprah, Hannity, NBC NEWS, Rush Limbaugh.
**He didn’t work this hard when he was President!
**I got kicked out of the press room after I asked him what it was like to meet Oprah.
**It was nice to see Dan Henry loaned the former president one of his sport coats.

North Korea fired some shots at South Korea this week and South Korea fired back.  President Obama got a call at 3 in the morning.
**If you’re like me your immediate concern is…HOW WILL THIS AFFECT THE PRICE OF SAMSUNG AND LG PRODUCTS?

Doctors have found a safety pin stuck in a 6 year old’s head.  They think she swallowed it when she was a baby.  The pin is open and is lodged in her sinus cavity.  A cat scan found it and it will be removed in a week. Doctors call Alexis a one-in-a-million.
**The TSA calls her a TERRORIST.

A Missouri man spent 17 years in prison for being falsely convicted of killing his mother.
**The good news?  Not only will he be released, but when he gets out, he won’t have to buy anything for Mother’s Day.

They kept showing the new Christopher Bond bridge on the news last week and all I could think about is, HOW CAN I GET THAT FRENCH TICKLER ON BARTLE HALL NAMED AFTER ME?
Oprah Winfrey gave each member of her audience a brand new Volkswagen Beetle.
**She wanted to give people a car she had ridden in since 1984.

Entercom just bought our staff new GEN X jackets.  You can hardly see where they ripped off the old Shell Petroleum patch.

My neighbor just bought a Nordic Track for their house and I burned 3,000 calories helping them move it upstairs.

St. Louis ranks #1 in the nation on the new list of ‘Most Dangerous Cities.’  In 2009 St. Lou had over 2,000 violent crimes per 100,000 people.  The national average is 429.
St. Louis was followed by Camden, New Jersey Detroit, Flint, Michigan and Oakland.
**The only non-violent place in St. Louis is on the field playing against the Rams defense.

There is a new type of underwear that puts fig leaves over your private parts when you’re going through the airport scanner.
**I thought about buying some but I’ll have to wait until they come out with the Elephant Ear version.

Pooped.  This is the first time we’ve taken part on the LEAF recycling program.
Next year I’m going back to the LEAF BURNING program.

Life and Style magazine claims that Justin Bieber has a “Flirt Coach.”   Technically, he’s an advisor.  But one of his duties is to help Justin flirt with women.
**That’s nothing new, I had a flirt coach…back when I was a Chippendale.

Harry Potter brought in $125 million last weekend.  A new survey shows a lot of Harry Potter kids grew up to be Twilight fans.
**Stands to reason.  When I was a kid went from watching a lot of I Dream of Jeanie to spending a lot of time alone in my bedroom.

That’s way too much information.  Join us again Monday on Gen X Radio 99.7 and be sure to listen online all over the world.  I’ve got a shot at $1,000 every afternoon!  Happy shopping and have a great holiday.
 http://www.genxkc.com/

Greetings from Kelly Urich at GEN X RADIO 99.7!

Sharon from Shawnee won $1,000 on the Margarita’s Wheel last week.
Make sure you take a shot.  There are no losers as everyone gets free food from your area Margarita’s, with a new menu and incredible new drinks!
 http://www.margaritasamigos.com/

Kansas City is trying to get the jump on snow removal this year by installing GPS devices in snow plows.
**Let’s hope they come with a built-in alarm in case the city workers decide to take a nap on the side of the road.

The Wizards new name is SPORTING KANSAS CITY.  We’re just glad our city name isn’t Morning Wood.  I asked Gen X Listeners how they were sporting Kansas City.  Some of the answers:
**I have a Chiefs tattoo on my left bicep.
**I choked on a rib and had to be resuscitated.
**I gained 30 pounds in the past 8 months.
**I never walk a block away when I can drive.

Union Station had a 26-foot-tall artificial tree installed for Christmas this year.
**The tree is made from recycled plastic parts from broken exhibits at Science City.

A parking attendant in New Mexico ticketed a car three times before noticing a dead woman slumped in the front seat.
The good news?  The attendant has been offered a promotion to Plaza Security Patrol.

It appears congress will act soon to prevent earmarks.
**I didn’t realize they were so concerned about that poor guy who was dancing with BRANDY the other night.

Jeffrey Hall is an assistant professor of communications at the University of Kansas, and he just released a study on flirting.  And according to the study of more than 5,100 people, the way men and women flirt falls into five very clear categories:

1.  Physical  With this style, you flirt by showing sexual interest in the person . . .  either with what you say, or by making lots of physical contact.  When it works, it mostly leads to quick relationships with lots of sexual chemistry.
2.  Traditional   Here, the man makes the first move and the woman plays it passive and coy.  It’s most common with SHY people, and usually they’ve known each other for a while before this type of flirting starts.
3.  Polite  This focuses on proper manners and NEVER saying sexual stuff.  Which rarely happens when someone approaches a stranger.  It usually happens when you’re set-up with co-workers or friends.  And it usually leads to long-term relationships.
4.  Sincere  In this style, you try to create emotional connections and communicate genuine interest by having meaningful conversations and opening up.  Women say they like this style the best, and it leads to meaningful relationships.
5.  Playful  This involves making a lot of jokes . . . some of which are directed at the person you’re flirting with.  Mostly, people who do this are trying to enhance their own self-esteem . . . and their relationships are shorter and less meaningful.
**All I learned is if you flirt with University of Kansas gals too much they MARRY you.

BIZARRE HOLIDAY GIFT

You can now buy tablets to put in your water and make it taste like bacon.  You also make your soda, juice, or milk taste like delicious bacon!  You can buy a tin of 15 tablets for $3.50 on McPhee.com
**I think that’s how the replicator worked on Star Trek.  Except for Scotty’s….he ate real bacon.

Sharpshooters have been authorized to kill 33 deer at Shawnee Mission Park.
**The deer are currently busy building their “duck season” signs in case Elmer Fudd is involved.

Cindy Crawford says she and her husband keep their love life alive by scheduling romance once a week.
**Hillary and I schedule romance every other night.  She has it Monday-Wednesday-Friday and I have it Tuesdays and Thursdays.

At a bachelorette party in Virginia, a bridesmaid pushed the bride into a pool where she broke her neck and became paralyzed from the chest down.  Now, she can’t get married, because she wouldn’t qualify for Medicare anymore.
**So, at least she avoids marriage.

I just met the morning guy at the WOLF down the hall.
**He is from Denver so I refused to shake his hand.

The FDA has banned the use of the words LOW TAR and MILD on cigarette packages as they have been found no safer than regular cigarettes.
**We found kids in our neighborhood still gladly accepted them for Halloween.

A remake of the Wizard of Oz is in the works with new special effects and 3D technology.
**Let’s hope they use their 3D technology to highlight the MISSOURI/KANSAS STATE LINE.

Walmart sales jumped over 9 percent in the 3rd quarter thanks to strong sales in China.
**When you buy something at a China Walmart they make it while you wait.

T.G.I. Friday’s closed its last area store this week.   Ted’s Montana Grill closed its 3 three area stores Monday.
**Apparently, we’ve FINALLY had enough to eat in Kansas City.

42 million Americans will travel more than 50 miles for Thanksgiving travel – up 11 percent from last year.
**However, not one of them will find a clean gas station restroom on the way to see Grandmother.

JANET JACKSON is fuming mad at Oprah Winfrey for taping a show with Michael Jackson’s kids.  She says Oprah exploited them for ratings.  On the day the show was taped, Janet and Oprah had a nasty phone conversation, which ended with Janet screaming, quote, “Oprah, you make me sick!”
**Then Janet slammed the phone, put on her nipple ring and got ready for her next wardrobe malfunction.
**You realize they could both destroy our economy.

Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church of Morons paraded into McAlester, Oklahoma last week to protest another military funeral.  Through a divine act of intervention, somehow their church bus had its tires slashed.
**Apparently, GOD HATES TIRES.

Jessica Simpson confirmed that she and former NFL tight end Eric Johnson are getting married as she sported the engagement ring over the weekend at the Dillard’s in Oak Park Mall.  There’s no word on a wedding date.  Jessica and Eric have been dating since May.
**Jessica Simpson hasn’t had a tight end since 2003.

TOP 5 REASONS CHIEFS COACH TODD HALEY REFUSED TO SHAKE JOSH McDANIEL’S HAND:

#5.  Hand was too sore from calling in bad plays.
#4.  Thought Josh was terrible in Dumb and Dumber…(oh that’s JEFF DANIELS.)
#3.  Because he had WHINE FLU.  (Submitted by Mark Alford at Fox 4)
#2.  Still upset because my wife booked the wrong flight.
#1.  People associated with the Broncos aren’t worth the effort.

Scientists say the thinning ozone layer is leaving whales sunburned and there’s not much they can do about it this painful new problem.
**I can speak from experience…there’s nothing more painful than a sunburned blowhole.

Last week Walmart fired another shot in the latest price war offering free shipping on basically everything they sell this holiday season.
**Great. Now Walmart is putting even Santa out of business.

Michael Jackson’s brothers are releasing their own clothing line.
**I just hope they aren’t making a new line of Super Bowl bras.

Have a great week and be sure to call the show.  The first newsletter subscriber to call the show Monday will win a Kelly Urich Grunt t-shirt.  The perfect stocking stuffer and they make delicious jams and jellies!  913 576 7997.

Greetings from Kelly Urich at GEN X RADIO 99.7!

Tune in Monday afternoon to hear Hillary explain why I didn’t go to Denver for the Chiefs game…This story will make you feel good about your holiday travel plans regardless of how hellish they are.

Gen X Radio just got a new batch of winter interns.  I was surprised to see one of them was Ike Skelton.

WHAT’S THE AVERAGE COST FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER THIS YEAR?

The average cost is $43.47 – up 1.3 percent from last year.  Turkeys are about $17 for a 16 pound turkey.
**Our family spends more than that on wine.  My family tree is CORK.

“Unstoppable” opened in theaters Friday.  It’s like “Speed.” But instead of a runaway bus, it’s a train.
**I’m still waiting for a movie about hijacking that one guy who’s riding the JO.

Scientists say the thinning ozone layer is leaving whales sunburned and there’s not much they can do about it this painful new problem.
**I can speak from experience…there’s nothing more painful than a sunburned blowhole.

Last week Walmart fired another shot in the latest price war offering free shipping on basically everything they sell this holiday season.
**Great. Now Walmart is even putting Santa out of business.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has a list of the most vegetarian-friendly football stadiums in the country and Arrowhead ranks in the top 5.  Arrowhead?  What are they smoking?  PETA likes the veggie burgers and pasta options at Arrowhead.
**Obviously, they just looked at the menu and didn’t actually walk through the parking lot of death for all smokeable animals.

SECOND COMING OF DEJESUS?

The Royals have traded David DeJesus to Oakland for a couple of pitchers.  Royals manager Dayton Moore says he hopes to be reunited with DeJesus someday.
**Dayton says he is also willing to trade for the ‘85 World Series trophy.

A man in a silver car has been driving around Shawnee.  He holds a bucket out the window and asks little girls if they want some cookies
**If you have kids make sure they’re set to filter cookies.

Scientists say the center of the galaxy is exploding.  The black hole in the center of the Milky Way is belching out something.
**Apparently, the first broadcast TV signals of Totally Pauley have arrived.

Monopoly, Battleship and the Ouija Board all have movies based on the games. Now, someone is developing a movie based on the Rubik’s Cube.
**It’ll be just like any other movie.  I’ll have to take my wife so she can explain it to me.

The second episode of Conan drew 2.8 million viewers on Tuesday night, which was down 32% from the 4.2 million who tuned in for the premiere on Monday night.
**It’s not easy to start on a channel with no history of success, and keep the numbers going up….but somehow we’re doing it at Gen X Radio!

A French lingerie company is selling women’s underwear that fastens entirely with MAGNETS, so you can tear them off without destroying them.  They’re expensive as they sell for $100 each.
**I’m worried the magnets would stick to my braces.

Former President Bush was on Oprah last week promoting his new book.
**Oprah relied on her acting skills from The Color Purple to appear that she actually liked W.

A bank teller was kidnapped, brought to the U.S. Bank on Overland Parkway and 119th street and forced to remove money from the bank early this morning.  A bank employee found the teller tied to a chair and bloody.  It sounds like a Hollywood movie and this story is drawing interest all over the country.
**My question is, if someone kidnaps you, drives you to a bank, forces you to remove money, ties you to a chair and then smacks you around, do you still give them a sucker?

TOP 5 EXPLANATIONS FOR THE MISSILE FIRED OFF THE WEST COAST:

#5.  Before leaving office Gov. Schwarzenegger wants to know what this button does.

#4.  Crazy Harry trying to prove to the world he is truly crazy.

#3.  Jay Leno trying to steal the thunder from Conan again.

#2.  The missile had a dream about Megan Fox.

#1.  Celebration of my November 1996 appearance on Party of Five.

The missile was determined to be a flight from Honolulu to Phoenix where the contrails looked like a missile launch.

Employees at Google are getting a 10 percent raise in January and a big bonus as well.
**Good for them.  For those of us working in radio Google is working on the “I’M NOT FEELING LUCKY” button.

Interesting factoid if you have relatives from hell:

Researchers at McGill University in Montreal think they’ve found a way to stop your family from getting into its annual fight this Thanksgiving…without therapy.

They just finished a study that found people get less aggressive when they see MEAT.  So if you want to keep Thanksgiving peaceful, make sure everyone has a good view of the turkey.

Biologically, meat calms us down, because our ancestors knew that having meat in front of you meant you could relax, since you wouldn’t have to worry about starvation and survival for a little while.

The Kansas City Royals have selected their player of the year and this year it was Billy Butler.  Billy hit .318 and belted 15 home runs.
**He was thrown out while running from his table to the podium to accept his award.

The Chiefs just signed Derrick Johnson to a five year deal worth up to $34 million.
**Derrick was holding out for more so he could afford parking at Arrowhead.

This year’s Tour de France winner is being investigated for doping.  Alberto Contador says a questionable drug test resulted from some bad meat he ate.
**Bad meat?  He needs to switch to Tour de BBQ!

Former President Clinton has joined the effort to bring the World Cup to the United States in 2022.
**Unfortunately, he thinks the world cup has something to do with a giant bra competition.

An ammonia leak near 151st and U.S. 69 shut down the highway for part of last Monday evening.
**Fortunately, officials were able to cap the leak with dead pelicans left over from the gulf.

Lenexa based Applebee’s offered free meals to veterans Thursday in honor of Veterans Day.
*I learned cannot receive a free meal by claiming you’ve seen all of the Rambo movies.

Joe Jackson admitted he used to spank Michael Jackson with a strap.
**Now we know where the trademark Michael Jackson YELP comes from.

Lindsay wants to start her own rehab facility.
**I LIKED IT SO MUCH…I BOUGHT THE COMPANY!

Jimmy Kimmel has declared Wednesday, November 17th ‘National Unfriend Day’ to clear out your Facebook account.
**Thankfully, my FB friends stick with me because I send all of them money.

The Queen of England now has an official Facebook page.  If you go to facebook and search for Queen…you might not get the queen of England…just a warning.

President Obama told 60 Minutes that health care was the reason Democrats lost so many seats in congress.  He says he lost focus on creating jobs.
**He went on to say he feels a little more feminine after appearing on Ryan Seacrest’s show.

Miley Cyrus was photographed drinking a Corona beer at a nightclub in Spain.  When her mom Tish heard about it, she was furious.
**She said she and Bret Michaels only drink Dos Equis.

The FDA has banned the use of the words LOW TAR and MILD on cigarette packages as they have been found no safer than regular cigarettes.
**We found kids in our neighborhood still gladly accepted them for Halloween.

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SPIN AND WIN!!  The Margarita’s $1,000 Wheel will be with me Saturday, October 23 at Margarita’s GRAND OPENING in Liberty – just west of Kansas street and 291 from 2-4.  FINALLY, our chance to hang in the northland…

MIZZOU fans can stand proud this weekend as ESPN College Game Day will televise live from Columbia.
**It’s being called the biggest telecast out of Missouri since Harrah’s Lucky Break.

The American Royal Rodeo returns to national status as the top cowboys and cowgirls are competing here again starting tonight and the event is sold out at Kemper Arena.
**Just in case you meet a woman in the West Bottoms who says, “Cowboy up” – odds are she is NOT a cowgirl!

GOOD ECONOMIC NEWS

The Kansas City economy officially exited the recession over a year ago and we didn’t take it in the shorts like the rest of the nation according to the Kansas City Chamber of Commerce.
**So you can finally get back to buying homes you can’t afford and clothing out of your price range.

The chimp that made national news escaping from his owner’s home while terrorizing a neighborhood, jumping on a police car and dragging a bag of trash down the street, has been taken from its owner and will now begin the painful process of starting a new life at the Kansas City Zoo.
**It’s painful because Sueko the chimp doesn’t like to walk long distances to see other animals.

The chimp was originally reported to be a gorilla by local news outlets so I immediately wrote…

TOP 5 GOALS OF AN ESCAPED 300 POUND GORILLA NAMED SUE:

#5.  Drive to Entercom and work for peanuts.

#4.  Gain 500 pounds and appear in Dennis Miller show credits.

#3.  Stand on the roof of a car dealer who’s slashing prices.

#2.  Remix a Johnny Cash song to “Gorilla Named Sue.”

#1.  Recycle that bag of trash and change name to Al Gore-illa.

Alternate #1.  Climb Power and Light building and fight off Johnny Rowlands.

Harris just released the results of their annual poll where they ask people which major U.S. city they would most like to live in and which major U.S. city they’d least like to live in.  And the winner on both lists?  NEW YORK CITY!
**I don’t think I could deal with the subways in New York after watching the mine disaster in Chile…and the movie Deadly Eyes.

STUPID Criminal of the Day.  20-year-old Dustin Marshall of Gallatin, Tennessee.
Last week, Dustin was at a Walmart and stole some jeans.  He went into the changing room to try the jeans on, then left wearing them while leaving his old jeans behind.
There was only one problem.  He forgot to take his wallet out of his old jeans…holding his driver’s license.
**Dustin says he’s incredibly embarrassed…not because he left his old jeans but because he is all over the news for being caught in a Walmart.

The Kansas City Royals are ready to deal their only star player?  They confirmed they will entertain trade offers for Zack Greinke.
**Next year, instead of marketing the players, the Royals have decided to market the hot dog race.

The don’t ask don’t tell policy has been reinstated for now.
**A federal court has ruled the policy will stand because Rachel Maddow is running out of things to talk about.

The oldest thing ever seen in the universe is all over the Internet. The Hubble telescope has photographed a galaxy that’s over 13 billion years old.
**They know it’s at old because the galaxy has more hair in its ears than it has on its head.

Sources say Beyonce Knowles and her rapper husband Jay-Z are expecting their first child.
**My sources have been sifting through their trash looking for pregnancy test strips.

THE LENGTHS WE GO THROUGH TO KEEP YOU INFORMED.

Police in Philadelphia arrested a man who had blood-stained kittens that he’d run over with his car and planned to eat.
**Nice to know Michael Vick is finally leaving dogs alone.

US military recruiters have a large problem: Almost one in four applicants to the military are rejected for being overweight. Weight is the No. 1 reason that applicants are disqualified.
**It’s discrimination!  Weight meant nothing to Captain Kangaroo.

A new discovery indicates bread, or something like it, may be 30,000 years old.
**But don’t worry, it can still be used in stuffing.

According to the Washington Post, the new trend at work is STANDING, not SITTING.
For example, 10 percent of the workforce at AOL now uses stand up work cubes instead of sitting.
**Here at Gen X they make me stand only because it’s much easier for me to get my head out of my arss.

The Salvation Army is looking for volunteers in the Kansas City area to collect donations at over 250 locations.
**Because of the economy the charity is scaling back.  Instead of ringing bells, the Salvation Army will taunt people with really bad tinnitus.

Frontier Airlines is adding a flight to Fort Meyers, Florida as a seasonal flight this winter.
Some of my interns from this summer want to take me to Florida for spring break next year…I’m sure my wife will let that happen.

Because it has been listed as a top 10 outfit for this Halloween, health experts warn that wearing Lady Gaga’s raw meat outfit could spread disease.
**Something else that could spread disease this Halloween?  Lady Gaga!

The Johnson County Library has been named the Federal Depository Library of the Year.
**The music library at my old station has been named Federal SUPPOSITORY Library of the Year.

The Principal at Kansas City’s Southwest Early College Campus resigned Monday.
**That’s a great example for the kids. When violence gets out of control – QUIT.  You never would see The White Shadow quit on his kids.

Facebook accidentally leaked some private info to companies if you play Farmville and Texas Hold ‘em. The leak was discovered and shut down by Facebook.
**Unfortunately, Farmville was not shut down.

Navajo Nation is considering having a woman president to lead the Indian tribe for the first time ever.
**She was doing well in the polls until she said she could see Alaska from her house.

A new study shows Tuesday is the most depressing day of the week.  Also, June is the most depressing month of the year.  More divorces are filed, firings and suicides.
**Plus, people are always nagging at me to take down my Christmas lights.

TOP 5 OBSERVATIONS WHILE ATTENDING THE CHIEFS LOSS IN HOUSTON:

#5.  Reliant Stadium is the only place where they work the word “y’all” into the national anthem.

#4.  Tailgating is very literal in Texas – 50,000 people sitting in the back of their pickups.

#3.  We arrived to find people stuck in parking lot traffic from the previous week’s game.

#2.  There are at least 20 annoying country songs about Houston, played over and over.

#1.  NFL referees wear Halliburton armbands.

There are new federal guidelines for giving CPR.  Now, the chest compressions come first and the breathing comes second.
**That means nothing to me because every morning I wake up to a loud bang and a doctor yelling, “CLEAR!”

The “World’s Largest Pink Margarita” was created last Saturday in Las Vegas. The pink drink was built in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month. The margarita was certified at 7,627 gallons.
**Or about half what I drank in Houston last weekend.  We had Mexican for breakfast, lunch, at the airport….now we know how people feel when they come here and we take them out for Gates, Oklahoma Joe’s and Jack Stack.

Enjoy your weekend and I hope to see you at Margarita’s in Liberty Saturday at 2!

Greetings from Kelly Urich at GEN X RCADIO 99.7!

Hello from Kansas City, where God likes to hang during ungodly hours…

Join me at Margarita’s Saturday, October 23 from 2-4 for the grand opening of their liberty location.  I might have Kelly’s $1,000 wheel ON LOCATION!

A new government study shows Hispanics are projected to outlive black and white Americans.  Hispanics born in 2006 can expect to live 80 years. Whites only 78 years, blacks 73 years.

That’s why the Margarita’s $1,000 wheel is so good for your health.  Your instant shot at $1,000 every afternoon on 99.7.

WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MINE STAYS IN THE MINE

I can’t believe Larry King said watching the miners emerge reminds him of being constipated.

After spending more than two months in the dark the miners are now qualified for radio management.

The miners are undergoing medical treatments and could be sent into another mine as early as tomorrow.  I didn’t know Entercom broadcasting owned a mining company.

If the Chilean miners had just spent 25 more years in the dark they would have qualified to be on the Royals coaching staff.

I got so excited watching the miners being rescued I decided to disappear into the darkness and rescue a moaner.

In theory, in a million years from now in Chile, someone could be mining man-made diamonds!

We had a worker fall in a manhole in Raymore Tuesday and not one CNN reporter came to town.  The man is recovering in an area hospital.  In his defense it did say MANHOLE.

Some guy in Los Angeles got on his bicycle early Tuesday morning, pedaled right up to Paris Hilton’s front door and started banging on it.  He was arrested moments later.

**It was the first time Paris answered the door for someone who’s butt was more sore than her own.

Ever notice the Kansas City fountains turn blue for the opening date of Royals baseball, red for the kickoff of Chiefs football and OFF for the beginning of NBA and NHL seasons?

You know it’s fall time when you see a squirrel in Mission Hills burying Espresso Roast coffee beans.

A Desoto, Kansas woman accused of keeping her malnourished son in the attic is now facing charges of attempted murder.

**Other than that, residents say she was an excellent neighbor.

Democrats are pulling money from Robin Carnahan because it doesn’t appear she will be able to catch Roy Blunt.

**So who wins?  Anyone watching television for more than 10 minutes!

Our friends over at Fox 4 made the conversion to HD this week.  Of course, 99.7 has been HD for years.

**The graphics are now so clear you can now see the Republican elephant tattoo in the middle of Mark Alford’s forehead.

90 acres of Olathe could be converted to a soccer complex near Ridgeview and College in Olathe.  It will require tax increases and property tax abatement.  Overland Park built one a few years ago.

**Soccer games a lot like Johnson County because you can stare at them for a long time and nothing happens.

Johnson county is one of the wealthiest counties in the nation but the number of people living in poverty is skyrocketing.  New census numbers show 38,000 people are living below the poverty level of $22,000 for a family of four.

**Part of the reason is because the county’s number one industry is people mowing soccer complexes.

Zoosk.com interviewed 1,000 single Americans and asked them which politician they’d most want to date – Sarah Palin was the number one answer for men, with 32 percent.

**A full 40 percent of women said they had dated John Edwards.

Had enough of the Chilean miner story?  A feature film is reportedly in the works, and PBS’ series NOVA will air the documentary “Emergency Mine Rescue” later this month.

** Tell me CBS SURVIVOR CHILEAN MINE isn’t in the works.

David Arquette says he and Courteney Cox had a marriage with no romance.

**What do you expect?  They both campaigned for Bill and Hillary Clinton!

They’ve been separated for several months…as fewer and fewer Hollywood relationships are lasting these days.  Thank goodness I got out of Hollywood right after I was on Party of Five.

The City of Beverly Hills is launched its own line of perfumes this week.

**Ryan Seacrest was wearing some earlier and it clashed with the smell of his hair jell.

If you want to save up to 70 percent on laser hair removal, call Ideal Image and tell them Kelly at Gen X Radio in Kansas City sent you!  888 864 6243

In Illinois, police busted Adam Barcroft after they found him sleeping behind the wheel of a parked truck. It wasn’t the sleeping that got him into trouble, it was the meth lab in the truck bed.

**Gotta give him an E for Effort because a meth delivery service is raw capitalism.

The Wolf Creek nuclear power plant in Burlington, Kansas had to be shut down to repair a crack in a pipe that had developed near some lake water.  No radioactive material escaped.

**It’s the first time we’ve used the words “crack” and “pipe” in a story that didn’t involve Whitney Houston or Amy Winehouse.

A man without arms won “China’s Got Talent” playing piano with his feet.  Imagine how bad the second place contestant must have felt.

**I once lost a radio audition to a DJ with no tongue.

They listen to Gen X at American Century Investments on the plaza where my financial planner works.  He finally told me to get a job outside of radio.

According to a report out of the UK Facebook is now responsible for 20 percent of divorces.  Inappropriate chats online are keeping attorneys busy…some report 20 percent of their divorce business comes from Facebook affairs.

**I have to admit, I’ve poked a few people I don’t even know on Facebook.

KCPD has reduced the number of preventable police car accidents 35 percent from 2008 – 2009.

**Police are now being trained to leave the scene of the accident like everyone else.

The Agriculture Hall of Fame in Bonner Springs is throwing a Halloween party October 30.

**The most terrifying display will feature Dwayne Bowe dropping cowhide.

A new survey in England found that people turn “grumpy,” when they hit 52.

Infants laugh up to 300 times a day.  By the time you’re a teenager that can go down to six laughs a day . . . and by the time you hit your grumpy years, that goes as low as two-and-a-half laughs a day.

**Which can only mean you need to get more of your friends reading this comedy blast!

A special thank you to everyone involved in my fight to cure cancer.  Tour de BBQ had 2,000 cyclists downtown and the free Smash Mouth concert at Power and Light was a big hit thanks to Bank of Blue Valley.  The free BBQ from Gates, Oklahoma Joe’s, Smokestack, Hayward’s Jack Stack and Spin! Pizza and free Boulevard Beer really made for a perfect fall day.  We are still taking online donations!  Get involved for next year -

 htp://tourdebbq.com/

Greetings from Kelly Urich at GEN X RADIO 99.7!

The Football and Cheerleading Club of Johnson County has dropped a rule requiring a football coach in a wheelchair to have an adult with him at all times.  They rule was in place because some thought the wheelchair posed a danger to the players.

**The only football players that were in danger of getting hurt buy a guy in a wheelchair were coached be Herm Edwards.

Article in the Star about the outbreak of bedbugs in Kansas City.  Bedbugs are nocturnal, they come out at night and feed on human flesh.  They choose beds because that’s where humans spend their time at night.

**My wife has discovered she can avoid bedbugs by wrapping our bed with Saran Wrap, covering it with baby oil and then and then she invites the Orkin Man to the house.  I’m not sure what he does but we have NO BEDBUGS.

Lebron James and the Miami Heat play an exhibition game tonight at Sprint Center.  Tickets are sold out and even without the NBA or NHL Sprint Center is the third busiest arena in the nation, and one of the top 20 venues in the world.

And Lebron James holds the NBA player record for having the most consecutive kids with the same woman.  PROPS TO THE MAN!

The Apple store off 119th and Roe was robbed Thursday morning and several thousands of dollars in merchandise was taken around 3 a.m.

**I was thinking about robbing the store at 2:30 but there was already a line.

Roy Blunt is leading Robin Carnahan by 18 points in the Kansas City which means Carnahan will have a hard time winning the senate seat.

**In fact, the only way she can win in Kansas City is to link Blunt to the Oakland Raiders.

DRINKING ALCOHOL WHILE YOU’RE PREGNANT?  IS IT SUDDENLY OKAY?

A new British study suggests pregnant mothers who drink aren’t really doing any harm to their children after all.  In fact, moms who had a couple of drinks of alcohol each week did not have children with health problems.  In fact, they had slightly higher cognitive skills than alcohol-free kids.

**Whew!  That’s a relief!  My mom is Vietnamese and she drank a lot of saki…so that explains this show.

IN NO WAY DOES THE STUDY SUGGEST PREGNANT MOMS START DRINKING.

Tornadoes hit the state of Arizona this week.  They quickly left the Phoenix area when they couldn’t find a parking space in the shade.

The White House denies a report that Vice President Joe Biden and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton might swap jobs for the 2012 presidential campaign.

**Hillary completely denies this and says she is firmly committed to being President in 2012.

A pizza driver made a delivery to a house in Washington state where a kid answered the door, took the pizza and said his mother would be right out to pay. The poor driver never saw the mom or the cash so he called cops. Officers found the house was vacant and the child apparently escaped with the pizza out the back door.  We used to order pizzas and when the delivery guy was at the door we would take the other pizzas from the car…we had that down to a science.  You would almost always get pepperoni.

A woman in Belmont, Massachusetts was arrested for throwing a bag of her dog’s POOP into another woman’s face.  The poop thrower was walking her dog as the other woman drove down the same street.  The woman tossed it in her car window and splat!

**That was the secret ingredient for how we were told to treat people when I worked at my old station…just throw a bag of poo in their face and see if they keep listening.

A large clock was unveiled Thursday by the Sprint Center.  It’s a gift from the Rotary Club.

**Unfortunately, it’s not an NBA shot clock.

The IRS Taxpayer Assistance Center on Bannister Road is closing and will be moved to Union Station…where it will become part of the Dinosaurs Unearthed Exhibit.

An area of Kansas City between the Paseo and Troost ranks 23rd most dangerous in the nation according to a new survey.  One in twelve residents will be the victim of a violent crime.

**That number goes even higher if you include people placing their order at Gates BBQ.

A Lebanon, Missouri woman called police on her boyfriend for smoking pot all day instead of looking for work.  Police came and arrested the man.

**How could he slack like that knowing the Royals are hiring some new coaching staff?

In Illinois, police busted Adam Barcroft after they found him sleeping behind the wheel of a parked truck. It wasn’t the sleeping that got him into trouble, it was the meth lab in the truck bed.

**Gotta give him an E for Effort because a meth delivery service is raw capitalism.

I had a call from a lady who claimed to own Amelia Earhart luggage..

**That’s like buying Moby Dick fishing tackle.

John Mayer keeps taking shots at Twitter after he officially quit the social media site last month.  He says, “Those who decide to remain offline will make better work than those online.  Why?  Because great ideas have to gather.”

I agree, turn the Internet off.  Al Gore is the anti-Christ.

A report showing the number of meth busts in each county in Missouri was released and it’s safe to say St. Louis is the METH CAPITAL of the state.  39 busts around KC last year, compared to hundreds near St. Louis.  One county just south of St Louis had 227 meth busts alone.

**No wonder those Cardinals fans who migrate to Kauffman Stadium are so jittery.

Greg Biffle won the NASCAR Sprint Cup Chopper 400 Sunday at Kansas Speedway as 100,000 fans enjoyed the perfect fall weather.

**They say the Kansas Speedway is the state’s best marketing tool since the movie Red Dawn.

A Kansas City native is competing form the title of Miss Earth in Vietnam.  She was born on Earth Day and much like the global temperature, she is hot!  I was not aware there was a Miss Earth pageant.

**I would have put Tony Lorino’s name in the hat for Mr. Uranus and then he got married.

The American Royal BBQ competition attracted over 500 teams, easily the largest BBQ competition in the world.  Teams from as far away as Canada and Jamaica were grilling and chill in’.  It’s gotta be tough to be a vegetarian in this town.

The government is telling the makers of POM, a pomegranate juice, that they will have to stop making incredible health claims about their product.

**For example, the POM I put in my Pomegranate martini has no health benefit after I have about 5 of them.

Back to the Future will hit 158 screens in over 40 cities this month. This year is the 25th anniversary of the film.

**Most of the people who originally saw it in theaters are more interested in an acid reflux capacitor these days.

Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray says when he was 10 years old, he almost lost one of his testicles because he slept on it wrong? There’s a bizarre article about it in people.com.

**Completely unrelated, I’ve been sleeping wrong and my doctor says I have what is called Honeymooner’s Arm…because I fall asleep with my arm under my wife’s head.

Part of my arm has fallen asleep.  He said the only way to fix it is to have my wife’s head lose some weight.  I’m putting her on SLIM FOR HEAD.

Listen Monday after 2:00 for a shot at $1,000 on the Margarita’s Wheel on Gen X Radio 99.7 and nonstop Gen X Music!  If you haven’t listened you’re missing the hottest new station in Kansas City!

Greetings from Kelly Urich, the most trusted name in music!

FREE CONCERT FOR EVERYONE as we present Smashmouth at the Power and Light District Saturday, October 2.  It’s the grand finale of my Tour de BBQ bicycle ride to benefit cancer research.  Check this link for all the details but definitely try to be there before 3:00.

I will be hosting the event with Channel 9’s Bryan Busby and DJ Kirby from Gen X Radio 99.7.
 http://tourdebbq.com/

Tour de BBQ was just featured on the Lance Armstrong Foundation Blog!

It looks like we will definitely have over 1,000 cyclists converging on downtown for the event and even some of the streets will be closed.  Special thanks to Boulevard Beer, Power and Light District and Superior Volvo!

If your life is so boring you’re considering joining those miners in Chile…

Join me today (Saturday) at Wal-Mart at 133rd and State Line with Royals tickets and limited edition Kelly Urich Grunt shirts while they last!

The Royals play Cleveland this weekend in the battle for last place.  The division leading Chiefs play the Cleveland Browns Sunday at noon.  Kansas City is about to surpass Cleveland in total population so we could really pee in Cleveland’s Cornflakes this weekend.

Waterfire is Saturday at Brush Creek on the plaza.  We went last year and its like watching footage  of the BP oil rig exploding…but done to music.

The Great Midwest Balloon Festival is this weekend in Overland Park.

**They’re going green this year as all balloons will be propelled using hot air from Roy Blunt and Robin Carnahan.

The New England Journal of Medicine tells the story of a woman who had a 2 centimeter worm crawling beneath the surface of her eyeball. The worm was there for six years. She ‘caught’ the worm in Nigeria.

**Glenn Beck is busy searching for a way to link this to Obama.

Bob Barker was rushed to a hospital yesterday after collapsing while shooting off a few rounds at a gun range in the Los Angeles area.  A spokesman for Bob says he was just dehydrated.

**Bob always wanted to play BULLSEYE on the Price is Right with live ammunition but I always thought bullets would work better with Plinko.

As for the Chiefs win Monday night I think former Chief Bill Maas said it best when he said, YOU DONT WANT TO HIT YOUR PEAK AN HOUR BEFORE YOU PLAY THE GAME!

I had former CBS Survivor winner wife of Chiefs center Casey Wiegmann and asked her if Casey ever peaked an hour before he played the game and show just laughed!

FYI… 81 percent of teams that won the super bowl…won their opening night games.

Sarah Palin spoke Monday at Bartle Hall to a crowd of about 1,300 people predominantly male.

**Most misread the press release thinking Bristol Palin was speaking.

Renovations at Arrowhead should mean more concerts in the future as a big concert for 2011 will be announced soon.

The entire city is hoping for Styx with REO Speedwagon.

Cher created a lot of talk with the see-through bodysuit she wore at the VMAs.  Katy Perry also wore a see-through top but only LADY GAGA wore clothing that made Kansas City people want to grill.

Oprah surprised the first audience of her final-season telecast with a free trip for all of them to Australia!  Audience members broke down in tears when told the news…because they were expecting a new car.

A new law has been passed that makes it illegal to harass or assault policed dogs and mounted horses.  Several instances of dogs being harassed and horses being punched in Westport have been reported and there was nothing police could do, but now you can get a $500 fine and 180 days in jail.

**People are punching horses in the face in Westport?  Is that before or after they trade their fur?

INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT ECHO BOOMERS

People born between 1982 and 2000 are called echo boomers.  Children of baby boomers during a span when developed countries began having smaller families.  Author Lynn Lancaster has studied this generation in a book called The M-Factor.

Echo Boomers are very close to their parents as compared to the more independent Generation X.  Echo Boomers have no problem with their parents calling their boss to help solve a dispute!

Echo Boomers expect to start at the top because teachers continually showered them with praise in a nobody-loses environment.  Even the recession has not taught them humility as employers are often shocked when Echo Boomers ask for raises and promotions after a few months on the job.

They expect their careers to have meaning and frequently underestimate how difficult it is to build a successful career.

They move fast.  They grew up with high-speed Internet and fast processors and expect the real world to move at the same pace.  Social networks like Facebook is their natural habitat.  They grew up playing interactive games and worked on school projects in groups so they freak out when asked to work on something alone.  They become frustrated when not included in the decision process.  They can’t keep secrets and expect to publish anything going on in their lives  on a social network site.

Just helping you understand that young co-worker or the service you’re getting at the drive-through….

OTHER FACTS

America’s future math teachers rank seventh in a test comparing them to teachers in other countries.  We lost to countries like Taiwan, Singapore and Russia.

Not surprisingly, long work hours are linked to fatal heart problems according to the European Heart Journal.  They think type A personalities are more aggressive, competitive and have higher stress levels….so I’m going to take a break….before I see you at Wal-Mart today at 2:00 and hang out with a bunch of not-so-self motivated Echo Boomers.  If you’re nice I might even wear my Lady Gaga 100 percent meat headphones.

Be sure to listen to my radio show weekday afternoons from 2-7 on Gen X Radio 99.7 where I use my bionic tongue FOR GOOD, NOT EVIL!

Greetings from Kelly Urich from Gen X Radio!

If 9/11 attacks hadn’t happened we would have been talking about Michael Jackson fainting after a concert at Madison Square Garden and the premiere of a new CBS show starring Lou Diamond Phillips.  Wolf Lake was supposed to debut that evening.

**You have to wonder if 9/11 happened in 2010, would Inside Edition lead with a story on Lindsay Lohan?

There are several 9/11 remembrances in the metro.  Church gatherings, bands playing patriotic music, Fred Phelps spitting on soldiers…the usual.  Are you planning on any 9/11 remembrance activity or will you just sit around and watch college football?

If nothing else, try to do something nice for someone in our armed forces or for their families this weekend.

Another birthday came and went Thursday.  For 14 years my birthday has been on or around a 150+ mile Bike MS event, which got pushed back this year to late September so I finally had some time to reflect:

I’ve reached the age where I have to alert the FAA when they light my birthday cake.

Good news for the ladies…I’ve finally reached the age when I feel comfortable taking off my purity ring.

TOP 5 SIGNS I KNOW I’M GETTING OLDER:

#5.  It was my birthday and that morning I looked at the calendar to see what day of the month it was.

#4.  I had to explain to a kid in my neighborhood who George Brett was.

#3.  When I’m folding laundry I have trouble differentiating between my wife’s and my daughter’s underwear.

#2.  Had to explain to a kid in my neighborhood what Party of Five was.

#1.  Having trouble remembering the jokes I recycle every year.

Someone is stealing the new street signs on the MIZZOU campus in Columbia.  The signs are painted black and gold with the Tiger mascot on them.  The same signs can be bought at the campus bookstore but college kids aren’t completely stupid.  Everyone steals a sign at some point or another so I opened the phones with the question – WHAT SIGN DID YOU STEAL?  Every listener in our audience confessed.

You’ll never guess who’s speaking out about the pastor in Florida sponsoring the BURN A QUR’AN day on 9/11…Not because they think burning the Muslim holy book will endanger the lives of American troops, but because the Westboro Baptist Church burned a Qur’an on a street corner in Washington D.C., in 2008 and nobody covered it.

**You know you’re off-base when even a bunch of extremist wackos looking for an excuse to blow up Americans won’t even pay attention to you.

A billion dollar nuclear weapons parts plant broke ground Wednesday in South Kansas City.

Several senators and politicians took part in the ceremonial shoveling of dirt, thereby making a perfect target for the Chinese who were trying to point their missiles.

 http://www.kellyurich.com/kellybox.htm

Greetings from Kelly Urich from Gen X Radio 99.7!

Happy Labor Day weekend…the weekend when we pay tribute to the American worker by standing with him in the unemployment office.

You know it’s early September in Kansas City when you’re already tired of going to haunted houses.

Time to start planning for fall fashions…Today is the first day I wore my brown and white shoes…and then I lost the brown one.

Bret Michaels – Nov 18 uptown

Rick  Springfield…..Dec 11 at Midland by AMC

AMERICAN ROYAL BBQ – October 1 & 2, Hale Arena

TOUR DE BBQ ————-  October 2, KCP&L

DINING OUT FOR KIDS….  October 5

It’s your old buddy kel back to put the thump in your rump…$1,000 wheel at 4:30
Friday drive at 5 …Great Gen X music you don’t get anywhere else and a great looking weekend.
Lets get the party started. 576 7995 is the studio line.

Margaritas $1,000 wheel spins today at 4:30   My umbilical chord to you… 576-7997…stick your finger to the circuit and work it!

Wheel winner replay!

TONY LORINO IS LIVE FROM THE GOOD GUYS 9th MIDWESTERN NATIONALS AT THE KANSAS SPEEDWAY, 11 till 1, SATURDAY, WITH THE HOT RODS AND CUSTOMS!  That’s custom cars, NOT US Customs for my Hispanic friends.

Gen X Radio…now with the most informative facebook page on facebook.  Just search Gen X Radio and waste valuable time WITH US!

Irish Fest this weekend at Crown Center.  This is the Irish Festival you can take your kids to without them having to watch drunk people throw up.

Renaissance Fest returns Saturday.

Santi Cali Gon Days this weekend downtown Independence.

Royals 5K run/walk Saturday morning at the K

Pepper party at city market Saturday morning.

KC symphony Pops in the park Saturday night at shawnee mission park

First Friday at the crossroads with the KC Urban Filmfest at Screenland. Some are free, most are only 8 dollars.  Some filmed here in KC..others in Chicago and LA.

The German soldier feature opens at the WW I memorial.. Mackenzie donated some of her leather Nazi outfits for the displays.

A new survey says more people are leaving Missouri to live in Kansas. Not for the school districts but to get away from Roy Blunt and Robin Carnahan.

A gender bias suit has been settled at channel 9.  Kelly Eckerman, Peggy Breit and Maria Antonia will get to keep their jobs and in return they get to be removed from Kris Ketz’ Twitter list.

32 million people are expected to travel this weekend – up 10 percent from last year even though the economy is in the toilet.
** I think it would be a nice gesture for BP to pay for everyone’s gas this weekend!  Who’s with me?

A British web site conducted a poll that asked if you could cheat on your significant other and it wouldn’t count against you or send you straight to hell who would you choose?
#1 for women?  Brad Pitt
#1 for men?  Megan Fox
**#1 for Katy Perry?  Brad Pitt and Megan Fox.

Zsa Zsa Gabor is reportedly on her death bed but her husband Frederick is already making plans for her remains.  He says he’s going to preserve her through a process called PLASTINATION.  He says it’s Zsa Zsa’s idea.  The water and fat in the body are replaced with plastics and can even be touched after death!
**You see, Heidi Montag was just planning ahead!

Police in Silver Spring, Maryland fatally shot a guy holding people hostage at the Discovery Channel HQ building.
**THIS JUST IN!  A bunch of hot Latino women are holding the Metro Weather Channel hostage!

The Chiefs beat the Packers in a rematch of Super Bowl 1 back in 1967 televised on CBS and NBC.  You never see TV coverage of that game because both networks recorded over their footage of the game….which is a travesty.  That’s worse than watergate in my opinion.

A new survey of area drivers finds 80 percent of people who drive in KC think other drivers are courteous. 20 percent say they often get road rage.
**These are the people who don’t understand SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT!

President Obama is presiding over peace talks this week.  2000 years of bickering will be hard to change but the President says this is a moment of opportunity for peace in the Mideast.
**If this doesn’t work the president will focus his efforts on peace in the Midwest as he meets with Robin Carnahan and Roy Blunt.

Downtown KC has kicked off a new marketing campaign to encourage people to shop and eat downtown called “I’m There!”. They’re trying to erase the perception that it’s not safe to go downtown.
**I go downtown about twice a week and I want our subscribers to know that downtown Kansas City is indeed safe.  I have yet to assault or rape anyone.

Kansas City, Overland Park and Lawrence have all earned top spots in a national list of cities with the worst speed traps.  O’Fallon, a suburb of St. Louis also made the list.  The perception is these cities are using speed traps as a way to raise revenue but the official answer is always “We’re just enforcing the law.”

Almost everyone who called the show believes tickets are all about generating revenue.  I’m still waiting for the option to buy a season ticket.

More controversy on the Country Club Plaza.  First, a law firm had to back down from replacing the tower at 47th and Broadway with an ugly glass box building.  Now the law firm is considering building a mosque.

Kansas City radio legend Walt Bodine just celebrated his 90th birthday and is still on the air.
**I was not aware he was on the Entercom pension plan.  Let the poor guy retire already!

There was a national veterinary convention downtown this week as animal stud Jack Hanna made a speech.
**Meanwhile, Ted Nugent was in town to speak at the national taxidermy convention.

We put the OY in Royals

I went to the Royals game Monday night for my latest LOSS.  I’ve seen one win this year…and even worse..Slugger left my kids hoping to get a photo.
**Thankfully, Royals owner David Glass was posing for pictures for $5 a piece.

Movie attendance in the U.S. was down this summer . . . to its lowest point in five years.  And yet revenue hit an ALL-TIME HIGH.
**Apparently movie theaters have adopted the Royals business model.

The latest annoying feature on Kansas City streets?  Flashing metal stop signs with bright LED lights.  They’re being installed where drivers frequently run red lights.

TOP 5 OTHER FLASHING SIGNS WE NEED:

#5.  Beware, Johnson count SUV drivers think the have right of way.

#4.  DO NOT try to read all the bumper stickers on cars in Westport.

#3.  What part of NO LEFT TURN between 4-6 don’t you understand?

#2.  Loading zone…reloading zone!

#1.  Warning!  Plaza Carriage drivers have no idea cars exist

The late, great Kansas City jazz legend Charlie Parker would have turned 90 last Sunday.
**To celebrate his life Kansas City residents pretended to like jazz music for 5 minutes.

A lost goat near Mexico, Missouri keeps evading its owners and has been spotted so frequently it has its own Facebook page with nearly 5,000 fans.  I knew it was going to be a long Monday when I signed to be a Facebook friend of the goat and it blocked me.

President Obama says he isn’t worried about the poll that shows one in five Americans believe he is a Muslim.  He told an NBC reporter that Americans have the capacity to get beyond all of this nonsense.
**Then he asked the reporter why her face wasn’t covered.

Be sure to catch the show weekdays from 2-6 on Gen X 99.7.  I’m broadcasting from the former Vanguard Airlines headquarters building…and already our station is almost as successful as Vanguard Airlines!

Kelly Urich

Greetings from Kelly Urich, the most trusted name in music!

I had former Chiefs/Rams/Eagles coach Dick Vermeil on the show Friday to promote his new wine and a benefit for the American Heart Association coming next Saturday to the Overland Park Convention Center. It was a bit awkward because I called his cell and he was stuck in traffic outside of Philadelphia.  I’m assuming he is a better offensive driver than he is a defensive driver.

Mayor Funkhouser also called Friday to explain the I – 49 news that has residents wondering if the deadly stoplights on 71 Highway will be removed.  The mayor’s response?  “I don’t know.”

It would be hard to imagine an interstate coming all the way from the gulf just to hit stoplights before ending downtown, but 71 Highway was originally allowed by residents only if the route resembled something more like Ward Parkway.  Instead, the lights have resulted in frequent deadly wrecks and pedestrians getting smacked by cars every few months.  Until the deadly lights are removed, I’m calling it the Frogger Freeway.

I attended my first ever First Fridays at the Crossroads Art District.  In case you don’t know, people come from all over to roam the streets between downtown and Crown Center viewing art galleries, drinking at trendy bars and watching various live bands and entertainment.
**The concept isn’t new.  In my hometown of Poplar Bluff we call it the Sale Barn.
**Tell me that didn’t sound like a quote from Designing Women…

This is Missouri’s back-to-school tax-free weekend.  Buy the following items without paying sales tax:

Clothing under $100
School supplies under $50
Computer software under $350
Personal computers under $3,500
Computer peripheral devices under $3,500
You can save up to $400 if you’re buying a computer and software!

A lot of Kansas City students are upset the back-to-school sales tax holiday doesn’t cover holsters.

Margarita’s opened Thursday in Liberty!  1910 Victory Drive, just west of Kansas street and 291.

Weekdays on Gen X Radio I spin the $1,000 wheel and give away free food at Margarita’s.  The wheel really is getting popular as I get almost as many calls to spin it as I get for Ask a Stupid Question.

The Aurora Borealis was visible in the sky north of Kansas City Thursday evening…or it could have been the lights from Chiefs training camp illuminating the cigarette smoke from St. Joe.
**7,000 fans appeared for a night practice in St Joe so it felt just like Arrowhead last December.

Chelsea Clinton reportedly partied until 5:00 A.M. on her wedding day.
**That ties a record previously held by Jenna Bush.

People in Missouri overwhelmingly voted for opting out of the federal health care.  Missouri residents say they don’t want federal health care, they want the same health care members of congress get…also the same free vacations and throw in the same hookers while you’re at it!
**I think this is Missouri’s way of saying thanks for coming to Kansas City and crossing the state line to eat BBQ at Oklahoma Joe’s.

Lady Gaga picked up 13 nominations for the MTV Video Music Awards on Tuesday, setting a new record for the most nominations ever in a single VMA season.  I’m not sure if this is newsworthy because people stopped watching MTV for videos in 1993.

Hillary attended the concert mainly because she wanted to meet Gaga at the Hamburger Mary’s…but she never showed.  Hillary did meet a lady named Frank, however.

Wyclef Jean announced his intention to run for president of Haiti.  The election is November 28.
**How nice would that be here in the U.S?  Announce in August…election in November.  Our mayoral races last three times that long.

300 more jobs are leaving Missouri for Kansas as KeyBank Real Estate Capital is leaving the Commerce Tower downtown for the Sprint Campus.
**Missouri needs to adopt Arizona’s border policy.

NBC is going to air a live episode of 30 Rock on October 14th.
**Lets just hope Alec Baldwin’s daughter doesn’t call the show.

Lindsay Lohan was released from jail after 13 days and to everyone’s surprise she was released at the crack of dawn.
**Thankfully, Dawn had no comment.

Canadians swear more than Britains and Americans, according to a new study. The poll found 56 percent of Canadian respondents admitted to using profanity on a regular or occasional basis.  We shall see how in factor into the equation as I’m in British Columbia by the time you read this.  Overnight lows will be in the 50s so I’m packing a jacket!

Don’t worry!  I will bring you a t-shirt and some whisky.

Something big and new coming to Gen X Radio 99.7 very soon!!!  Stay tuned….