Greetings from Kelly Urich from Gen X Radio 99.7!

Happy Labor Day weekend…the weekend when we pay tribute to the American worker by standing with him in the unemployment office.

You know it’s early September in Kansas City when you’re already tired of going to haunted houses.

Time to start planning for fall fashions…Today is the first day I wore my brown and white shoes…and then I lost the brown one.

Bret Michaels – Nov 18 uptown

Rick  Springfield…..Dec 11 at Midland by AMC

AMERICAN ROYAL BBQ – October 1 & 2, Hale Arena

TOUR DE BBQ ————-  October 2, KCP&L

DINING OUT FOR KIDS….  October 5

It’s your old buddy kel back to put the thump in your rump…$1,000 wheel at 4:30
Friday drive at 5 …Great Gen X music you don’t get anywhere else and a great looking weekend.
Lets get the party started. 576 7995 is the studio line.

Margaritas $1,000 wheel spins today at 4:30   My umbilical chord to you… 576-7997…stick your finger to the circuit and work it!

Wheel winner replay!

TONY LORINO IS LIVE FROM THE GOOD GUYS 9th MIDWESTERN NATIONALS AT THE KANSAS SPEEDWAY, 11 till 1, SATURDAY, WITH THE HOT RODS AND CUSTOMS!  That’s custom cars, NOT US Customs for my Hispanic friends.

Gen X Radio…now with the most informative facebook page on facebook.  Just search Gen X Radio and waste valuable time WITH US!

Irish Fest this weekend at Crown Center.  This is the Irish Festival you can take your kids to without them having to watch drunk people throw up.

Renaissance Fest returns Saturday.

Santi Cali Gon Days this weekend downtown Independence.

Royals 5K run/walk Saturday morning at the K

Pepper party at city market Saturday morning.

KC symphony Pops in the park Saturday night at shawnee mission park

First Friday at the crossroads with the KC Urban Filmfest at Screenland. Some are free, most are only 8 dollars.  Some filmed here in KC..others in Chicago and LA.

The German soldier feature opens at the WW I memorial.. Mackenzie donated some of her leather Nazi outfits for the displays.

A new survey says more people are leaving Missouri to live in Kansas. Not for the school districts but to get away from Roy Blunt and Robin Carnahan.

A gender bias suit has been settled at channel 9.  Kelly Eckerman, Peggy Breit and Maria Antonia will get to keep their jobs and in return they get to be removed from Kris Ketz’ Twitter list.

32 million people are expected to travel this weekend – up 10 percent from last year even though the economy is in the toilet.
** I think it would be a nice gesture for BP to pay for everyone’s gas this weekend!  Who’s with me?

A British web site conducted a poll that asked if you could cheat on your significant other and it wouldn’t count against you or send you straight to hell who would you choose?
#1 for women?  Brad Pitt
#1 for men?  Megan Fox
**#1 for Katy Perry?  Brad Pitt and Megan Fox.

Zsa Zsa Gabor is reportedly on her death bed but her husband Frederick is already making plans for her remains.  He says he’s going to preserve her through a process called PLASTINATION.  He says it’s Zsa Zsa’s idea.  The water and fat in the body are replaced with plastics and can even be touched after death!
**You see, Heidi Montag was just planning ahead!

Police in Silver Spring, Maryland fatally shot a guy holding people hostage at the Discovery Channel HQ building.
**THIS JUST IN!  A bunch of hot Latino women are holding the Metro Weather Channel hostage!

The Chiefs beat the Packers in a rematch of Super Bowl 1 back in 1967 televised on CBS and NBC.  You never see TV coverage of that game because both networks recorded over their footage of the game….which is a travesty.  That’s worse than watergate in my opinion.

A new survey of area drivers finds 80 percent of people who drive in KC think other drivers are courteous. 20 percent say they often get road rage.
**These are the people who don’t understand SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT!

President Obama is presiding over peace talks this week.  2000 years of bickering will be hard to change but the President says this is a moment of opportunity for peace in the Mideast.
**If this doesn’t work the president will focus his efforts on peace in the Midwest as he meets with Robin Carnahan and Roy Blunt.

Downtown KC has kicked off a new marketing campaign to encourage people to shop and eat downtown called “I’m There!”. They’re trying to erase the perception that it’s not safe to go downtown.
**I go downtown about twice a week and I want our subscribers to know that downtown Kansas City is indeed safe.  I have yet to assault or rape anyone.

Kansas City, Overland Park and Lawrence have all earned top spots in a national list of cities with the worst speed traps.  O’Fallon, a suburb of St. Louis also made the list.  The perception is these cities are using speed traps as a way to raise revenue but the official answer is always “We’re just enforcing the law.”

Almost everyone who called the show believes tickets are all about generating revenue.  I’m still waiting for the option to buy a season ticket.

More controversy on the Country Club Plaza.  First, a law firm had to back down from replacing the tower at 47th and Broadway with an ugly glass box building.  Now the law firm is considering building a mosque.

Kansas City radio legend Walt Bodine just celebrated his 90th birthday and is still on the air.
**I was not aware he was on the Entercom pension plan.  Let the poor guy retire already!

There was a national veterinary convention downtown this week as animal stud Jack Hanna made a speech.
**Meanwhile, Ted Nugent was in town to speak at the national taxidermy convention.

We put the OY in Royals

I went to the Royals game Monday night for my latest LOSS.  I’ve seen one win this year…and even worse..Slugger left my kids hoping to get a photo.
**Thankfully, Royals owner David Glass was posing for pictures for $5 a piece.

Movie attendance in the U.S. was down this summer . . . to its lowest point in five years.  And yet revenue hit an ALL-TIME HIGH.
**Apparently movie theaters have adopted the Royals business model.

The latest annoying feature on Kansas City streets?  Flashing metal stop signs with bright LED lights.  They’re being installed where drivers frequently run red lights.

TOP 5 OTHER FLASHING SIGNS WE NEED:

#5.  Beware, Johnson count SUV drivers think the have right of way.

#4.  DO NOT try to read all the bumper stickers on cars in Westport.

#3.  What part of NO LEFT TURN between 4-6 don’t you understand?

#2.  Loading zone…reloading zone!

#1.  Warning!  Plaza Carriage drivers have no idea cars exist

The late, great Kansas City jazz legend Charlie Parker would have turned 90 last Sunday.
**To celebrate his life Kansas City residents pretended to like jazz music for 5 minutes.

A lost goat near Mexico, Missouri keeps evading its owners and has been spotted so frequently it has its own Facebook page with nearly 5,000 fans.  I knew it was going to be a long Monday when I signed to be a Facebook friend of the goat and it blocked me.

President Obama says he isn’t worried about the poll that shows one in five Americans believe he is a Muslim.  He told an NBC reporter that Americans have the capacity to get beyond all of this nonsense.
**Then he asked the reporter why her face wasn’t covered.

Be sure to catch the show weekdays from 2-6 on Gen X 99.7.  I’m broadcasting from the former Vanguard Airlines headquarters building…and already our station is almost as successful as Vanguard Airlines!

Kelly Urich

Greetings from Kelly Urich, the most trusted name in music!

I had former Chiefs/Rams/Eagles coach Dick Vermeil on the show Friday to promote his new wine and a benefit for the American Heart Association coming next Saturday to the Overland Park Convention Center. It was a bit awkward because I called his cell and he was stuck in traffic outside of Philadelphia.  I’m assuming he is a better offensive driver than he is a defensive driver.

Mayor Funkhouser also called Friday to explain the I – 49 news that has residents wondering if the deadly stoplights on 71 Highway will be removed.  The mayor’s response?  “I don’t know.”

It would be hard to imagine an interstate coming all the way from the gulf just to hit stoplights before ending downtown, but 71 Highway was originally allowed by residents only if the route resembled something more like Ward Parkway.  Instead, the lights have resulted in frequent deadly wrecks and pedestrians getting smacked by cars every few months.  Until the deadly lights are removed, I’m calling it the Frogger Freeway.

I attended my first ever First Fridays at the Crossroads Art District.  In case you don’t know, people come from all over to roam the streets between downtown and Crown Center viewing art galleries, drinking at trendy bars and watching various live bands and entertainment.
**The concept isn’t new.  In my hometown of Poplar Bluff we call it the Sale Barn.
**Tell me that didn’t sound like a quote from Designing Women…

This is Missouri’s back-to-school tax-free weekend.  Buy the following items without paying sales tax:

Clothing under $100
School supplies under $50
Computer software under $350
Personal computers under $3,500
Computer peripheral devices under $3,500
You can save up to $400 if you’re buying a computer and software!

A lot of Kansas City students are upset the back-to-school sales tax holiday doesn’t cover holsters.

Margarita’s opened Thursday in Liberty!  1910 Victory Drive, just west of Kansas street and 291.

Weekdays on Gen X Radio I spin the $1,000 wheel and give away free food at Margarita’s.  The wheel really is getting popular as I get almost as many calls to spin it as I get for Ask a Stupid Question.

The Aurora Borealis was visible in the sky north of Kansas City Thursday evening…or it could have been the lights from Chiefs training camp illuminating the cigarette smoke from St. Joe.
**7,000 fans appeared for a night practice in St Joe so it felt just like Arrowhead last December.

Chelsea Clinton reportedly partied until 5:00 A.M. on her wedding day.
**That ties a record previously held by Jenna Bush.

People in Missouri overwhelmingly voted for opting out of the federal health care.  Missouri residents say they don’t want federal health care, they want the same health care members of congress get…also the same free vacations and throw in the same hookers while you’re at it!
**I think this is Missouri’s way of saying thanks for coming to Kansas City and crossing the state line to eat BBQ at Oklahoma Joe’s.

Lady Gaga picked up 13 nominations for the MTV Video Music Awards on Tuesday, setting a new record for the most nominations ever in a single VMA season.  I’m not sure if this is newsworthy because people stopped watching MTV for videos in 1993.

Hillary attended the concert mainly because she wanted to meet Gaga at the Hamburger Mary’s…but she never showed.  Hillary did meet a lady named Frank, however.

Wyclef Jean announced his intention to run for president of Haiti.  The election is November 28.
**How nice would that be here in the U.S?  Announce in August…election in November.  Our mayoral races last three times that long.

300 more jobs are leaving Missouri for Kansas as KeyBank Real Estate Capital is leaving the Commerce Tower downtown for the Sprint Campus.
**Missouri needs to adopt Arizona’s border policy.

NBC is going to air a live episode of 30 Rock on October 14th.
**Lets just hope Alec Baldwin’s daughter doesn’t call the show.

Lindsay Lohan was released from jail after 13 days and to everyone’s surprise she was released at the crack of dawn.
**Thankfully, Dawn had no comment.

Canadians swear more than Britains and Americans, according to a new study. The poll found 56 percent of Canadian respondents admitted to using profanity on a regular or occasional basis.  We shall see how in factor into the equation as I’m in British Columbia by the time you read this.  Overnight lows will be in the 50s so I’m packing a jacket!

Don’t worry!  I will bring you a t-shirt and some whisky.

Something big and new coming to Gen X Radio 99.7 very soon!!!  Stay tuned….

Greetings from Kelly Urich, the most trusted name in music!

This is my first newsletter sent on the iPad so if the font is screwy and there are several mistakes you’ll know I’m getting used to this ridiculously small and touchy keyboard.  Aside from iTunes, I had never really ventured into the Mac world but I can already see this is much more user-friendly and my 9-year-old is teaching me everything I need to know.  She is already trying to find a way around the Adobe Flash Player issue.  The bad thing about owning an iPad is no matter where I go, no one can escape my boring family photos.

Become a GEN X FRIEND WITH BENEFITS TODAY!  Learn about free stuff..buy concert tickets before the general public and all things for the GEN X LOVER!  It really is amazing how many concert tickets and tickets to other events we give away every week.  Sign up today:
 http://friendswbenefits.genxkc.com/

According to a report from KCTV 5, the billions in federal stimulus money that’s being spent in Kansas and Missouri is only going to the people who can spend large sums of money immediately without regard to benefits to the community.

**Just don’t tell Gary Forsee…

The new USS Missouri submarine will officially be commissioned by the Navy in Connecticut.  It’s a $2 billion attack submarine that weighs 7,800 tons.  It’s designed to hunt and destroy enemy submarines, naval vessels and any ship flying the KU flag.

I downloaded Oksana’s album last night. Mel’s ranting may sound bad but it’s almost in perfect harmony with the album!

Last week a seven year-old girl in Lamar, Missouri decided to crawl inside a washing machine that she thought was out of order but after the door closed the machine turned on and minutes later police had to use a club to break the window to save her.
**She had two black eyes cuts all over her body and even today she feels a bit…agitated.

Ellen DeGeneres says she decided to leave because she was too busy and nice to continue doing it.  The inside news is Ellen’s agent, Justin Timberlake’s agent and Elton’s agent are all saying avoid this show because without Simon, the show is about to go down in flames.
**It’s just like Ryan Seacrest’s show without the guy who edits in people laughing in the background.  Just not the same…

TMZ says Kara Dioguardi has been fired.
**Without Simon and Kara, the show will have zero cleavage!

Got an email from a guy who has recorded at least part of every one of my shows since I took the job here at 99.7.
**I just hope he doesn’t work for Radar Online!

Rapper Nelly offered to do a concert for the city of Branson but the city said no way.  A unanimous vote rejected Nelly in a 6-0 vote.  Some are crying racism.

TOP 5 OTHER UNANIMOUS VOTES BY THE BRANSON CITY COUNCIL:

#5.  It’s illegal to use a rebel flag for a gas cap.

#4.  Any person wearing corn rows must also have a Dekalb sign stuck in their hair.

#3.  It’s okay to say “y’all” but you can never say “err body.”

#2.  City beautification budget can include money for naked lady mud flaps.

#1.  Nelly will be allowed to sing the national anthem at cock fights.

The mayor of Tonganoxie has resigned over racy photos he sent to council members and relatives from a city computer in 2007.  He lost his job, his authority, his reputation in the community, but he gained a bunch of Facebook friends!
**I’ve got your Tonganoxie split right here!!

That Lenexa man who disappeared 3 weeks ago was found alive and covered with insect bites on a trail south of Johnson Drive.  They found his truck July 8 at Shawnee Mission Park.  The Park ranger knew him and said, “Are you okay?”
The guy only responded…”That’s the last time I go drinking with Bill Grigsby.”

Casandra Andrews of Kansas City, KS is only 12 years old and 5 feet tall, but that didn’t stop her from diving into 11 feet of water and rescuing a 200 pound man back in June.  The 49 year old man had a pacemaker malfunction and went to the bottom of a pool like a brick.  12 year old Casandra jumped in and used all of her might to hoist him to safety.
**So you see, people who aren’t Gen Xers aren’t completely worthless.

Isaiah Mustafa the Nubian stud from the Old Spice commercials has landed a gig in the upcoming Jennifer Anniston movie, “Horrible Bosses.”
**Just a reason for Mackenzie to keep from sealing her windows and turning on the gas for another year.

According to a British survey, 70 percent of women over 35 say they wouldn’t date a man younger than 32.
**100 percent of men under 32 said they would be willing to hop on anything.

That’s all I have time for this week.  BTW!  Thanks for making the Margarita’s $1,000 wheel such a success.  Remember to tune in each weekday at 2:00 for the wheel spinning time and take your shot at a grand every single day on Gen X Radio 99.7!!

Greetings from Kelly Urich, the most trusted name in music!

We had a couple of great shows last week…and the rest sucked.  Actually, Kris Ketz from KMBC 9 First News filled in for Mackenzie during her anniversary…and she somehow got that day off.  How do I get that contract?  Also, I did my show from 34 feet deep in the hole that developed on the I-470 ramp to 71 Highway.  Thanks for all the calls of support and a special thanks to the guy who dropped by with free beer.

TOP 5 THINGS WE FOUND IN THE HOLE ON THE WESTBOUND 470 RAMP:

#5.  Larry Moore looking for fertile soil for tomatoes and zucchini.

#4.  A company named LaFarge dropped by wanting to know if the hole led to any homes under Sugar Creek.

#3.  My latest ratings.

#2.  Osama bin Laden.

#1.  The Royals playoff hopes.

We have an exclusive offer for subscribers of this letter!  Buy tickets to Broadway Across America tickets MONTHS before they go on sale and you can avoid Ticketmaster fees!

The password to access the offer is        kusntixs!

Here is the link and enjoy the savings on me : )

https://oss.ticketmaster.com/html/go.htmI?l=EN&t=baakcm&o=67239806&g=645

My incredibly intelligent, yet dyslexic wife went to book our trip to British Columbia and she booked a flight to leave at 7 in the morning and arrive there at 11.  Then she went back and checked to find she accidentally checked 7 PM arriving at 11:00 at night.  United won’t let us change without charging $600 so I’m looking for someone who works at United…either that or a new wife.

A giant fire engulfed a building in the Argentine district Friday morning.  Ironically, I was headed there to buy a floating cooler at Mickey’s Surplus but I never made it because I was stopped by road construction.  Thankfully, I have an alibi.  So does Lindsay Lohan.

Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin is coming to Kansas City to kick off the 12-month countdown to the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts.  She performs September 26 on the Live Stage in the Power and Light District.  The Live Stage is an awesome place for a concert and we will have one October 2 as part of our Tour de BBQ.  I haven’t signed a band yet.  So far, only DJ Jazzy Jeff has expressed interest.

THE SURGEON GENERAL HAS DETERMINED MEL GIBSON QUITTING SMOKING IS HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH

There’s a new theory as to why Mel allegedly attacked Oksana on January 6th.  A “source” close to the situation says that Mel had quit smoking that day.

A tropical depression is racing towards the BP spill site.  I had a tropical depression after a waitress in Jamaica gave me crabs….and I ordered lobster.

A new study says people who love to eat meat gain more weight.
**I think that should be the new city slogan.  Drop ‘City of Fountains’

Go with ‘PEOPLE WHO LOVE TO EAT MEAT GAIN MORE WEIGHT!’
Women’s Health magazine has decided to do an annual list of the Best Summer Bodies. They just issued the inaugural list, and it’s topped by “Sports Illustrated” swimsuit issue cover girl Brooklyn Decker.

#1 BROOKLYN DECKER

#2. JESSICA ALBA

#3. ASHLEY GREENE (that hot brunette on Twilight.)

#4. VANESSA HUDGENS

#5. JESSICA BIEL

#6. CARRIE UNDERWOOD

#7. KATY PERRY  (She’s my #1 on the list.)

#8. LAUREN CONRAD (from a bunch of lame MTV shows.)

#9. JENNIFER ANISTON – (hanging in there.)

#10. KIM KARDASHIAN – (only because Ryan Seacrest voted over and over.)

I didn’t know there was a Women’s Health magazine?

Bumpers sticker of the week:  Honk if you’ve been abused by Al Gore!

A new survey shows America’s favorite sports stars are Tiger Woods and Kobe Bryant.
**Apparently, the survey didn’t poll any women!

EXCESSIVE MEAT WARNING!

Temperatures near 100 with high humidity and little wind have killed over 1,000 cattle in central Kansas in recent days.  Every year cattle die from weather related issues but a run of conditions like this is extremely rare.

**Ironically, so are the cattle!

Man vs Food guy Adam Richmond will tackle the Papa Bob’s BBQ sandwich called the Ultimate Destroyer Challenge.

Papa Bob’s is on Kaw Drive just west of 435.  I tweeted about it one time.  It’s hard to get a sandwich there that will fit in your stomach.  The show will air early August on Man vs Food on the Travel Channel.  Also, the Food Network’s new Meat and Potatoes show will air in September, featuring Westport Flea Market, Amigo’s Grill and Cantina and Danny Edward’s BBQ on the Boulevard.

**Someday Kansas City hopes to make national news for scientific breakthroughs and cultural significance…not fat.

A guy from Florissant, Mo caught a 130 pound catfish in the Missouri river breaking the old record by over 13 pounds.  The fish was old and frail and yet he still put up quite a fight.

**The fish was caught near St. Louis but said he is a Royals fan.  Because he’s a bottom dweller.

Paul McCartney performed at Sprint Center Saturday.  Paul is 68 and my mom turned 68 last week.  She has the same goal that Lindsay Lohan has in life – to outlive all of the Beatles.

**His concerts are about the same except, sometimes he accidentally sings ”HEY JUDE.. GET OFF MY LAWN!”

U.S. border authorities arrested a teenager on a bicycle entering Arizona from Mexico with a load of marijuana.

**Yet another reason for Kanye West boycott concerts in Arizona!

A powerful earthquake hit part of Alaska this weekend.

**It was so strong Sarah Palin said she could see New Madrid, Missouri from her home.

According to a new study of women and men, women are at their attractive best when they are 31. Much of that attractiveness, according to the survey, has to do with confidence.

**By then most women have moved on from the Mel Gibson in their lives!

Greetings from Kelly Urich, the most trusted name in music!

I missed last week’s letter because we were in Chicago for a little family vacation.  I try to get away from radio and wound up spending my time at WLS with morning man Dave Fogel and at B-96 with programming guru Erik Bradley, both subscribers to this letter.  We stayed on Rush Street, because it’s so kid-friendly and had a delightful time at Shedd Aquarium and a bunch of other places.  Chicago was once a radio goal of mine but I must admit, 8 million people made me want to return to the coziness of 2 million people here in Kansas City.

ON THE SUBJECT OF RADIO…

Clear Channel Communications is asking the FCC to allow one owner to own up to 12 radio stations in one city.  The industry’s largest player says radio’s long overdue for more deregulation.  12 radio stations?  That’s ridiculous.  I mean, 8 I can understand, but 12?

BP finally figured out a way to cap the oil spill in the gulf.  They installed an Entercom Communications salary cap.

BP engineers have, for now, capped the oil spill in the gulf.  85 days and 184 million gallons later the oil has stopped flowing.
**Now the engineers are focusing their efforts on developing a cap for Mel Gibson’s mouth.

President Obama’s approval ratings are now negative, this as the White House says its $862 billion stimulus package has saved or created three million jobs.
**Then again, BP has created thousands of jobs cleaning up oil clumps.

TMZ is reporting Mel Gibson’s wife received threatening phone calls that “scared her to death.”
**Apparently , someone called asking her to vote for Jerry Moran or Todd Teahart.

A source says LeBron James will pay nearly $50 million on a 20,000-square-foot mansion in Coral Gables, Florida. The eight-bedroom, 11-bathroom estate has been on the market since April 2009.
**He is expected to make a formal announcement about his purchase in a one hour special on HGTV.

LEBRON JAMES – THE KELLY URICH CONNECTION!

After the LeBron James announcement last week that devastated Cleveland as he heads to the Miami Heat, we hear LeBron snuck away to New York to attend the wedding of NBA player Carmelo Anthony as he married former MTV Total Request Live host and  VH1 host La La Vasquez.  TRUE STORY!  I once sat with La La in the Furama Hotel bar in Sydney, Australia during the Olympics and let her cry on my shoulder about how she was missing her boyfriend back in Los Angeles.

She was whining about being in Australia for FREE…and I’m like…grow up! But I did it in a careful way as I kept stroking her hair.

Ratings for this week’s MLB All-Star Game were the lowest since Atlanta hosted in 1972 and down 16% from last year.
**If I want to watch grown men spitting and adjusting themselves, I’ll just watch the guys resurfacing our parking lot.

After 13 years the National League FINALLY won an All-Star game and the NL will get home team advantage during this year’s world series.
**And I have to believe that really hurts the Royals chances of winning the World Series.

Experts say the Apple iPhone 4’s design flaw can be fixed with duct tape.  Consumer Reports is no longer recommending buying the iPhone 4, thanks to a design flaw that’s causing reception problems.  Experts say the Apple iPhone 4 can be fixed with a simple piece of duct tape.
**Several freaks are already camped in front of the plaza store to be the first to buy the official Apple duct tape.

The former University of Kansas director of ticket operations entered a guilty plea for concealment and not reporting theft to KU.  A Topeka judge was presiding.  District Judge Wesley E. Brown is the oldest judge in the federal system.  He was appointed by President Kennedy.  Brown is 103 and attended KU during the “Phog Allen” era.  He attended law school before WWII.
**I know what you’re thinking…what a perfect replacement for Simon Cowell on American Idol.

Nikita, the 800 pound 3 year-old polar bear will be at the Kansas City Zoo in a few weeks as the Polar Bear Passage is about to open.
**Before Nikita can come to Kansas City he is undergoing several rounds of questions to make sure he’s not a Russian spy.

Scientists have found that plants can “think” and “remember” in ways very similar to our own nervous system. Experiments now show light placed on one leaf will cause the whole plant to respond. And the response, which took the form of light-induced chemical reactions in the leaves, continued in the dark. This showed, they said, that the plant “remembered” the information encoded in light.
**So you vegetarians…GET OFF MY MEAT LOVING..BBQ EATING ARSS!

A new survey out of the UK shows that 1 in 5 people have sent an inappropriate text to the wrong person by mistake.
**I once sent a private message that I thought was a text but it went to my Twitter account by mistake.  That’s why you should be following me on Twitter.

Former boxer Mike Tyson says he’s dedicating the rest of his life to caring for others because he considers himself a “pig” who has “wasted” so many years of his life.
**So, you see, there is hope for Mackenzie.

Sources say a remake of the old George Burns-John Denver flick Oh, God! will be remade with Betty White playing the role of God.
**When told of the news, even God said he was getting tired of Betty White.

A tax adviser from England will try to set a new world record for pushing a car the length of a marathon — 26.2 miles. Adrian Kane has 24 hours to do it. The current record is 17.06 miles.
**I would rather do that than do my own taxes.

A 36-year-old guy in Maine was arrested after he allegedly set a Mercedes-Benz on fire and then posted photos of the burning vehicle on Facebook.
**That’s like robbing a bank and then standing next to your photo at the post office.

We registered a Heat Index of 124 just south of here in recent days.

IT IS SO STICKY:

It’s so sticky Lefty’s contact lenses fogged over.

It’s so sticky Kansas City Parks Board member Aggie Stackhaus is calling for a mud slide at Liberty Memorial.

It’s so sticky the NAACP Convention passed a resolution encouraging an ICED TEA party.

It’s so sticky singers are asking for an encore of this year’s Red White and Boom for the cool reception.

It’s so sticky the Royals are asking to go back to the All-Star game so they can avoid play time.

The Kansas City Comets have returned.  KC had one of the largest watch parties in the US for World Cup Soccer.  The Comets had some of the best fans in the MISL back in the 80s.  Now they’re going to play in the Independence Events Center.
**That’s great for Independence people because, much like soccer players, Independence people like to do things without using their hands.   Play soccer, DRIVE….EAT.

A New Zealand woman who suffers from Multiple Sclerosis woke up one morning with a new accent — a mix of Welsh, Scottish and north London tones. An MRI scan showed that two lesions had developed at the back of her brain which docs think may have caused the change in speech.
**Maybe this explains what’s happening to Madonna, Tina Turner and Oprah.

It was a tough decision but after watching all the news the last couple of days…I finally decided to unfriend Mel Gibson on Facebook.

According to Pollstar Magazine, Sprint Center has been recognized as America’s third busiest arena. The magazine also ranks Sprint Center at No. 6 among worldwide venues.  Sprint Center, trails venues in New York City and Atlanta but beat every other venue in America and most around the world.
**They say they don’t expect the arena to be empty until we get a Kansas City sports franchise playing there.

A couple of ladies in Lenexa started a sterling silver jewelry business 20 years ago by pooling their grocery funds.  Yesterday they sold the business to Avon for $650 million.  Silpada Designs, created by Bonnie Kelly and Teresa Walsh.

Let that be a lesson for those of you in Buckner….there is a LEGAL way to make money in your basement.

Lady Gaga performed at Rockefeller Plaza on a hot and humid New York Friday to a record Today Show crowd of 20,000 people.  A lot of people are accusing her of being a Madonna rip-off but not even Madonna could draw a crowd that big for the Today Show.
**Upon hearing the news, Christina Aguilara says she now wants to rip-off Madonna AND Lady Gaga.

Thanks to the throngs of Gen X Radio listeners who joined me at Superior Volvo Saturday for great car deals and Kelly Urich Grunt t-shirts.  More are on the way!

If you do nothing else this weekend, make sure you become a FRIEND WITH BENEFITS.  You will be amazed at how much stuff you can get.  Click on this link to permanently change your life:

http://friendswbenefits.genxkc.com/

Call the show sometime!  913 – 576 – 7997  weekday afternoons from 2-7 on Gen X Radio 99.7

Greetings from Kelly Urich, the most trusted name in music!

Thanks to the thousands of people around the world who subscribe for a free chuckle and thanks for referring your friends to: http://kellyurich.com/

Help me spread the word because we continue to have the most popular weekly joke letter in Kansas City…and you are a part of it.

Next week is my first vacation since taking the Gen X Radio gig.  Lefty will be here to continue playing this GREAT GEN X music so make it a goal to turn your friends onto GEN X RADIO and if he plays any junk songs, let me know on Facebook and I’ll deal with him immediately.

It was 17 years ago when Royals Stadium was renamed Kauffman Stadium.  I can’t believe it hasn’t been renamed Wal-Mart Stadium or Big Bob’s Used Carpet Stadium.

The Royals need money.  Like I’ve said for years!  Name it Hallmark Stadium and then that crown over the scoreboard would make a lot more sense.

A 25 year old from Liberty was fired after making a web video that poked fun at the iPhone and the Evo phone.  He worked at Best Buy and Thursday morning he arrived at work to find he was being fired thanks to an upset Best Buy corporate office. Brian Maupin’s videos had been watched by over 1.4 million people.
**Which makes him the most employable person in the metro.

TOP 5 THINGS TO REMEMBER IF YOU’RE GOING TO PARTY COVE:

#5.  Avoid the boat named ‘Mizzou Hydrogen Experiment.’

#4.  If oil balls wash up on the beach, you’ve taken a wrong turn.

#3.  If a guy asks if you want to see his oil balls, you’re at the right place.

#2.  Avoid the guy who invites you to his cabin to show how he invented the internet.

#1.  All the photos that seem harmless Sunday will be on Facebook Monday.

There are plenty of cool tech features in today’s cars, but parking assist ranks low on most drivers’ list of must-haves. Parking assist helps drivers park backwards or parallel park using a built-in computer and small sensors. A new survey shows just 12% of car owners would be likely to pay for parking assist.
**What I would like to see is SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT assist.

We have an update on Larry King who announced this week he is stepping down from Larry King Live on CNN.
**Now he says he wants to start an internet radio station in his basement and work for nothing for a year before taking a job with Entercom.

According to USA Today the U.S. government says 12 countries and international organizations are helping with the Gulf oil disaster.
**It’s getting sad when we have to ask other countries for help.  Pretty soon they will be showing pictures of our children on their late night TV commercials.

The Royals took the I-70 series from the St. Louis Cardinals…and, while, this is an outdated rivalry, it was bizarre to see Royals fans and Cardinal fans gathered around the TV sets near the concession stands watching the U.S. play Ghana in World Cup Soccer.
**Whatever happened to good old fashioned hatred?

A recent poll of Royals fans shows the team we like to beat the most is still overwhelmingly the New York Yankees.  It’s hard to start a rivalry with a city that thinks your team plays in…Kansas.  I don’t think we can tap into that Yankees/Red Sox rivalry until we gain about 10 million people in population.

There was a guy in Raleigh, NC, Rick Oliver, who heard some noises coming from his front lawn.  Rick went to investigate when a bear came out of the woods, mauled him to within an inch of his life.  In 2006 he was struck by lightning.  You have a better statistical chance of getting struck by lightning than you do of getting attacked by a bear.
**You have a much greater chance of being struck by a car at one of those stupid stoplights on 71 Highway.

Three area rerstaurants made the cut for OpenTable’s “2010 Diners’ Choice Awards for Best American Restaurants.”  More than five million reviews were submitted for more than 11,000 restaurants across the country.  Of those, only 50 were honored including Kansas City’s Bluestem, The American Restaurant and The Capital Grille.  Only six New York area restaurants made the list and four in Dallas.  Minneapolis only had one and St. Louis had one.  Denver had ZERO.
**Steve Bono was not available for comment.

As of Thursday, the state of Kansas is banning smoking in all public enclosed places.  Combine that with higher health insurance premiums going up 50 percent for smokers vs non-smokers by the year 2014 and smoking is about to shift from the poor, uneducated sector to only the elite who can afford it.
**So, about the only thing that can legally smoke in public places is YOUR GUN.

Four people were injured Monday at the University of Missouri when human error led to an lab explosion.  Hydrogen was mixed with oxygen and it turned into a mini-hydrogen bomb.  The students were taken to a local hospital and returned to good condition after being told to “Breathe if you hate Kansas.”

FAIR AND BALANCED HUMOR

A Texas man bought a rather unique American flag to hang for the 4th of July: it contains 61 stars. The defective flag was purchased at a Dollar Tree store.
**The flag was apparently made by the Bush administration.

Happy Independence Day weekend!  Remember, freedom isn’t free….and it’s completely unaffordable under the Obama administration!

Oprah Winfrey is the most powerful celebrity on the planet, according to Forbes. Angelina Jolie was last year’s No. 1.
**Angelina lost out this year because her British accent isn’t as good as Oprah’s.

A broken sewage line has leaked into Longview Lake.  Signs have gone up saying the water might be contaminated.  Fox 4’s Nick Vasos and Don Harmon, using a scientific formula, have decided it will take the sewage 27.997 years to fill the lake, but that’s only if a train is approaching from the other way at 60 mph.

Both Missouri and Kansas have moved up in the nationwide list of states where obesity is a problem.  According to the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, Missouri moved from 13^th to 12^th and Kansas is up 18-16.  29 percent of Missourians are overweight and 28 percent of Kansans. **Kansas City is the only place where the movie WALL-E is shown as a documentary.

TOP 5 SIGN YOU’RE AN OVERWEIGHT KANSAN/MISSOURIAN:

#5.  When the people at Gates Bar B.Q. ask, “Hi, may I help you?” you go ahead and ask for the stomach pump.

#4.  Your shirt size matches the Super Bowl Roman numerals.

#3.  You take the day off on the anniversary of the last White Castle closing in town.

#2.  More than one person has mistaken you for Belly Boy.

#1.  You really do need money for a down payment on a cheeseburger.
Kansas City’s unemployment rate is 8.3 percent. That’s a full percentage point lower than the national average.  We’re doing better because they’re hiring people like mad at the water main break department.

Kohl’s launched their new Britney Spears collection for Candies clothing today.  Before you laugh she had the #1 selling celebrity fragrance last year.  I need a Kelly Urich fragrance.  It would smell like BBQ and a sweaty cyclist.

ANOTHER LARRY KING UPDATE

Now we’ve learned that Larry’s ratings were down 43 percent from last year and we hear Larry may not have quit after all.
**Rumor has it CNN kicked him out because he was secretly a Russian spy.

Have a safe weekend and if you’re a real American, you’ll send a friend to my website to sign for the weekly joke letter that’s changing the world as we know it.  Thanks in advance!

http://kellyurich.com/

Greetings from Kelly Urich, the most trusted name in music!

President Obama will be here July 8 to attend a Democratic fund raiser.  Michelle Obama will be here a few days later to attend the national NAACP convention.  Joe Biden will be here later to attend a Masonic Lodge meeting.

The St. Louis Cardinals were in town for the I-70 series against the Royals, so that explains the mullet-fest that happens when all the St. Louis people invade Kauffman Stadium.  Most of them come here because they’re not used to going to a ball game and coming back to their car to find it in one piece.

The 2010 MLB All-Star game will cost Jackson County tax payers $500,000 to pay for FanFest, Home Run Derby and other downtown events, but it will bring $50 million in economic benefits.  $50 million?  That won’t even buy you a pitcher these days.  These salaries are outrageous…GET OFF MY LAWN YOU DARN KIDS!!

A nutrition watchdog group is threatening to take McDonalds to court because it claims the Happy Meal toys use your kids to manipulate you to going to their restaurants and spending your money.
**If your kids manipulate where you’re eating…you lost control as a parent a long time ago.

The smell of smoke forced the evacuation of a Midwest Airlines plane last Monday moments after it landed at Kansas City International Airport.  On board were some cast members of “Little House on the Prairie,” which opens tonight at Starlight Theatre.  An air chute deployed and all 104 passengers escaped safely.
**One of the passengers was spotted running across the prairie yelling, “PA!  PA!”

Whiteman Air Force Base is gaining about 280 personnel for a new mission involving drone aircraft.  The Air Force has decided to make Whiteman the ground control station for its MQ-1 Predator. The airplanes are used primarily for reconnaissance missions and are operated by pilots who remain on the ground.  The personnel will be based at Whiteman; the planes will be deployed elsewhere around the world.
**And they said majoring in Space Invaders at JUCO would never pay off for me.

Something new at Union Station.  The IRS tax payer assistance office will open soon to help tax payers with questions and people who are struggling to pay taxes.
**How about those of us struggling to pay off our bi-state tax?

A South African woman has come up with a unique solution to help fight rape. She has invented female condoms with teeth around them; the insides of the condom have jagged teeth-like parts. The condoms can be used like tampons by women; the teeth would latch themselves around a man’s tallywacker.  The product has yet to be given a name.

TOP 5 NAMES FOR THIS DEVICE:

#5.  Missile Defense System.
#4.  Stoplight on Johnson Drive.
#3.  The Beaver Cleaver.
#2.  Banana Peeler.
#1.  The Clampon.

Welcome to summertime.  The most overheard phrase in Kansas City is now, “Is it hot enough for ya?”  That just replaced, “Is that thing loaded?”

Since they started charging $2 admission at Deanna Rose in Overland Park, attendance has dropped 10 percent, and that’s exactly what Overland Park wanted.
**The goal is to keep poor people out of Overland Park.

Interesting fact:  Did you know there are 2,527 miles of underground sewers in Kansas City?  There’s the answer to our public transportation problem right there.  Instead of light rail we need a log flume ride for commuters.

There was a line around the block Thursday morning at the Country Club Plaza Apple store.   People camped out all night to get the new iPhone.  It’s called the 4G phone but it operates on a 3G network.  AT&T won’t have 4G phones available until 2011.  All the fancy gadgets leave me longing for the days of the good ol’ rotary dial phone.

I want a phone with a long chord and a rotary dial.

I want a phone where call waiting means you wait until I’m finished talking to the person I’m giving my full attention to.
I want a phone that rings and I get to yell, “I got it!” so everyone knows stay off.
I want a phone that stays where it’s supposed to be so I don’t have to go looking for it.
I want a phone where the voice message is a little post-it-note from a live person who actually took the call.
I want a phone that says, if your thoughts aren’t worth using your vocal chords, I don’t want to read your text.
I want a phone where the only app is the sticker that goes behind the dial to let you know what number your finger is in.
I want a phone that doesn’t sync with anything.
I want a phone that doesn’t require a weekend of playing to figure out what the hell it does.
I want a phone that doesn’t accidentally call people when I’m yelling at my kids.
I want a phone that requires me to memorize numbers of important people in my life.

BTW, you can follow my RSS feed on Twitter – http://twitter.com/kellyurich

Give a listen in KC at 99.7 or around the world on GENXKC.COM

Kelly Urich

Greetings from Kelly Urich, the most trusted name in music!

The Margarita’s $1,000 wheel is now spun daily! It’s your chance to win a grand instantly and $25 in food from Margaritas. Last week we also gave away Backstreet Boys tickets for the show tonight at the Midland.  Thanks to everyone at Margaritas for jumping all over my $1,000 wheel!

Also!  My new Kelly Urich GRUNT ® t-shirts are in and people are already fighting over them.  See them here:
http://kellyurich.com/photos.html

Billionaire Warren Buffet threw out the first pitch at the Royals/Astros game Thursday.
The Royals won 5-2.
**Hey Warren…why don’t you make a pitch to buy the Royals?

Harry Truman’s childhood home is for sale on Waldo Avenue in Independence.  Harry’s dad lost the home when he lost a fortune playing the commodities market.
**I guess his bucks stopped there…

Frontier Airlines will add a non-stop flight to Cabo San Lucas this December.  Frontier currently has non-stops to Cancun and Puerto Vallarta.
**Why would you want to fly to Mexico when you can eat great Mexican food at Margaritas?!

There’s a new next-day contraception pill that’s safe and effective.  It reduces the chance of pregnancy up to 5 days after you fertilize the flower bed…
**That’s more good news for our Gen X sales staff.

Good news for ladies….Brad Pitt is shaving off his ugly goatee.  Apparently, women around the globe had been complaining about it for years.  I wore an ugly goatee when we were broadcasting from Australia, because I didn’t want those Australian women all over me.  It worked.

If you don’t get enough NFL regular season games, you might be in luck.  There’s talk of having only two pre-season games and 18 regular season games instead of the current 16. The players are upset because players on current contracts won’t get paid anymore money.
**I say, they take their whining to the fans that can barely afford to pay for tickets, much less put food on the table.   GO CHIEFS!

Officials at Wimbledon have told tennis fans that vuvuzelas are not welcome at the All England Club.

**In fact, the British go out of their way to make everyone feel not welcome.

Kmart is testing K-wash, a laundromat attached to a Kmart. Shop while your clothes wash.
**What we really need is BROTHEL-WASH.

Authorities in Brooklyn, New York, are having trouble capturing a Canada goose with an arrow through its neck. The nine-inch piece of arrow doesn’t seem to be slowing the goose down since two days of attempted capture have failed.
**Meanwhile…someone, somewhere is one hell of a shot!

Experts say the 2012 All-Star game could bring as much as $65 million to the Kansas City economy.
**But only if every visitor buys 3 bags of cotton candy.

The last All-Star game brought $2 million to the city and 15 million people watched.  The next game will have over 30 million viewers and 2,500 media people in town.  The bad news for KC fans?  I will interrupt our t-shirt Tuesday.

Michael Jackson’s dad is now blaming concert promoter AEG for Michael’s death, claiming days before Jackson’s death, Michael’s doctor, Conrad Murray, had requested a heart resuscitation machine and a nurse in several e-mails making the request, but AEG London never provided it.
**We still have no word on how this will affect landing a major tenant at Sprint Center.

The female version of Viagra has been rejected by the Food and Drug Administration.
A German drug maker has developed the female Viagra but the FDA says the side effects don’t warrant taking the drug.  Side effects include dizziness, nausea and fatigue.
Side effects for male Viagra include:  Head aches, vomiting, dizziness, blurry vision, awkward fitting clothing, prosecution, burning sensation…..

The biggest fashion screw-up a man can make? Overalls. That’s according to a survey of thousands of women. Crocs and blue jeans shorts also made the list.
**CROCS?  OVERALLS?  What else are you supposed to wear to Wal-Mart?

GOOD NEWS!

Mackenzie is doing her part for world peace.  She just burned her driver’s license.

GOOD NEWS!

The price of shrimp and oysters is up 40 percent because of the gulf spill.
**The good news is, you can throw them in the pan without having to add any oil.

The US Army is doing away with velcro. When pockets are packed, or sand’s around, the Velcro doesn’t hold as well as an old fashioned button.
**That’s bad news for Klinger. Thank goodness for the New Theater Restaurant.

Betty White is back! She’s co-starring in a new comedy called Hot in Cleveland on TV Land.
**When I retire, I hope I don’t work as hard as Betty White.  However, I would do a Party of Five Reunion show…

Afghanistan authorities arrested a 52-year-old California construction worker who said he was in Afghanistan on a solo mission to kill Osama bin Laden.
**Dude!  Go back to the Village People!

THE TEXAS AND THOSE OTHER TEAMS LEAGUE

The University of Texas can set up its own TV network and keep the revenues so the Big 12 will stick together, although, with only 10 schools now that Colorado and Nebraska have bolted.  The bad news is, Texas will have a lot more TV money and probably a better athletic program than KU, MU, K-STATE and the other Big 12 schools.
**We’ve seen this before in the area…it’s called the ROYALS.

From the Kansas City Star:  Two weeks of frightening uncertainty came to an end Monday when the University of Texas ended its whirlwind courtship with the Pacific-10 Conference by announcing it will remain a Big 12 member.
**The words ‘Big 12’ and ‘member’ should never be used in the same sentence.

The average Kansas City resident earns $21.84 an hour according to the bureau of labor statistics.
**I don’t make that much, even with record label payola money!

Starbucks will offer free wi-fi in all 6,700 + locations beginning in July.  Most Kansas City Starbucks already have free wi-fi.
**Starbucks says it will offset for the cost of so much broadband by charging $50 for every cup of coffee.

A guy named David Perez will let Twitter followers run his life for a week, beginning June 21. He’ll do anything as long as it’s not illegal and not lewd.
**Not illegal or lewd?  Those are the two main reasons I use the internet.

JUST WHEN I WAS STARTING TO FEEL SORRY FOR GARY COLEMAN

A man in Finland was found in the chimney of an old building. He disappeared after getting stuck in 1991.

The National Forensics League high school debate competition brought 5,000 students to Kansas City last week.  Students from as far as Singapore and Alaska participated.  They say the cool thing about debate and speech is being able to walk into any room full of people and give a speech at the drop of a hat.
**They won’t impress me until they’re ready to host Harrah’s Lucky Break.

Kansas City was also host to the first national gathering of Smart car owners.  Hundreds of smart cars drove from Penn Valley to the Power and Light District.
**Ironically, the Smart cars caused traffic problems and contributed to the smog over downtown.

The Federal Highway Administration has a list of the worst traffic snarls in the nation and at #13 on the list? -  The southeast corner of the downtown loop where 670, 70 and 71 converge.
**I think we’re all surprised the Grandview Triangle isn’t on the list.
**Thankfully, Kansas City ranked #1 on their list of cities most likely to have a water main break.

Country music artist and sausage entrepreneur Jimmy Dean died at his home in Virginia, Sunday evening, police said. He was 81.  He was known for his country single, “Big Bad John” and his Jimmy Dean sausage.
**Not a bad way to go….a man known for his sausage.

That 16-year-old girl who tried to become the youngest person to sail solo around the world until she hit stormy seas about 2,000 miles west of Australia is resting comfortably on a ship bound for Africa.  Her parents are getting flack for letting her try the trip in the first place but she says age has nothing to do with how high the waves are.
**She says her next daring stunt will be trying to cross 71 Highway on foot…

Saw the new Karate Kid movie with Jaden Smith.  It was surprisingly better than I thought it would be and I didn’t know but it was co-produced by a Chinese company.
They got access to the Great Wall of China, the forbidden city and even Wudang mountain, where it rained non-stop when they were trying to film.
**Sounds like WUDANG MOUNTAIN need KELLY DANGLING DOPPRER.

A couple in California were married Saturday at a Home Depot store where they work. They married in the outdoor garden section.
**Where about 50 jokes were made about the groom’s hose.

Well, I’m off to watch more US Soccer action.  I was completely blown away watching Friday’s game. I had no idea there was a US Soccer team.

Listen to the show and spin that $1,000 wheel on Gen X Radio 99.7!
Kelly Urich

Greetings from Kelly Urich, the most trusted name in music!

LENEXA MIDNIGHT BIKE RIDE Saturday, July 17th.  Christa Dubill from NBC Action News will host the event with me and you can get all the details at: www.midnightbikeride.org

TOUR  DE BBQ SATURDAY OCTOBER 2^nd…Raising money for cancer research at the KU CANCER CENTER and the Lance Armstrong Foundation.  Details Tour de BBQ.com

The Big 12 lost Colorado and now Nebraska?  The Universities are sending a clear message to all students in the nation – school is no longer about education and tradition…it’s all about money.  Education is taking a back seat to cable TV networks that provide up to $22 million a year for individual colleges.

TOP 5 SIGNS YOUR COLLEGE IS ALL ABOUT MONEY:

#5.  Student orientation is sponsored by Budweiser.

#4.  One of your ACT questions is, “Does your dad own a cable network?”

#3.  Instead of SEC or PAC, your college joins the ATM conference.

#2.  They heavily recruit students from Dubai.

#1.  The school motto is: TOO BIG TO FAIL.

KU’s athletic director Lew Perkins has resigned because of the ticket scandal and all of the bad press the school has received.

**Let me just say, I’ve been in KC radio for 20 years, and I’ve never been involved in one ticket scandal.  It’s hard to be indicted when you give all of your tickets away because I WANT IT THAT WAY!  Backstreet Boys tickets to win ALL WEEK on Gen X Radio.

The city of Shawnee is cutting costs by placing police in areas of high accidents on Shawnee streets.  They find areas with a lot of accidents also have more criminal activity.  In this case, it’s off 75^th street in Shawnee.
**Duh.  Finally a police department that actually gets it.

The movie E.T. premiered today in 1982.

The World Cup kicked off Friday in South Africa.  It’s the biggest sporting event in the world behind Tour de BBQ.

A rumor circulated on the Internet Thursday morning claiming that Russell Crowe died while shooting a movie in Austria. The rumor was false.
**THANK GOODNESS…Revelation says World War 3 will begin with Russell Crowe dying in Austria.

Christina Aguilera has sold over 50 million albums and her new album ‘Bionic’ hit stores Tuesday.  She’s been accused of ripping off Madonna and her album has gotten such poor reviews that she cancelled at least part of her latest tour.
**Christina says she cancelled the tour because Madonna did that once.

The Journal of American Medical Association says learning a word a day can give you 2 decades of memory power.  If you’re 40, you can have the memory of a 20 year old.  Trust me on this…this is something you will cherish daily!  Friday’s word was ‘kowtow.’

The City Council gave a green thumb’s up to allow urban gardening in Kansas City.  You can now sell your lawn grown fruits and veggies from your home between May 15 and October 15.
**Please continue selling marijuana from the greenhouse in your basement.

KC police are conducted drivers license checkpoints Thursday as recent checkpoints have revealed several drivers are driving illegally.  Plus it gave police a chance to brush up on their racial profiling.

The game company that’s to blame for billions of hours of lost productivity at work has just launched a new game called FrontierVille. The game is on Facebook now.
**I thought FACEBOOK was to blame for billions of hours of lost productivity?

An Ohio woman spent three days in jail for calling 911 five times looking for a husband.
**What a moron…everyone knows to call the TIPS HOTLINE.

Des Moines, Iowa, was named the best city for families by Forbes.com. It’s got good schools, reasonable housing, short commuting times and sense of community.
**Plus it has a Trader Joe’s and Kansas City does not.

Jefferson City is considering scrapping tornado sirens in favor of a phone warning system where you would get a call if you were in the direct path of a tornado.
**That’s great news for people who are from out of town and don’t have a phone number in the area.  That’s okay, tourists can die.

Lawrence residents may soon be banned from smoking in their apartments.  If you live in an apartment complex and smoke, you will soon be forced to smoke outside.  This stems from an apartment fire that killed someone in Lawrence.
**So if you live in Lawrence, there goes your shot at ever getting President Obama to your apartment.

YOU MAKE MY HAPPY MEAL SAD

McDonald’s has announced you’ll be able to bring your tainted Shrek glasses to the restaurant, fill out a refund form, and get a $3 refund per glass.  Cadmium has been found in the paint and it could get on your children’s hands or in their mouths.

A parenting website says many commuters don’t offer their seats to pregnant women because they fear the woman might just be overweight. Gurgle.com said research indicated more than 84 percent of pregnant women had not been offered a seat on full trains and buses.
**I say offer them a seat on the bus because that leaves their pregnant mother parking space open for me at the grocery store.

A man in New York City was arrested after attempting to rob a bank with a TV remote. He told bank employees the remote was connected to a bomb. He was arrested shortly after the robbery.
**Ironically the remote was connected to a bomb – ABC’s BETTER OFF TED.

If you want to pay your respects to Michael Jackson on June 25, the first anniversary of his death, it may be possible. The gates of Forest Lawn in Glendale may be open to fans. Plans are uncertain but should be finalized soon.
**They won’t be certain until we leak news like this and see how much gas is in the HYPE MACHINE.

Aaron Barnhart did a story about how to watch Al-Jazeera online and how the Arabic channel is starting a Canadian branch with hopes of reaching the United States.
**Here in the United States we can only hope they pick up the broadcast rights for all of the Yankees/Red Sox games.

Former KMBZ employee and Royals PR guy Rush Limbaugh was married last week and Elton John sang at the wedding for $1 million.  This is wife #4 for Limbaugh and guests included Karl Rove, Rudolph Giullani, and Clarence Thomas.  Kansas City residents on the guest list included George Brett and Tom Watson.  David Letterman even did a top 10 list on the guests and Rush’s marital problem.
**It strikes me as funny every time Letterman does a joke about wife problems.

(TRUE!)

Local hair salons are sending hair clippings to the gulf to help create long, snake-like booms to collect the oil spill in the gulf.  Area residents take nylon stockings, fill them with hair and then place the hair in crab traps and that acts as a barrier between the beach and the oil spill.
OIL, STOCKINGS, HAIR AND A CASE OF CRABS?  Bad memories of prom night!

Pink’s tour bus caught fire in Germany last Monday.  The bus driver pulled over and put out the fire with an extinguisher before any of the 8 band members were harmed.  Pink was not on the bus as big celebrities are never on tour buses these days.

TOP 5 THINGS TO DO WHEN PINK’S TOUR BUS CATCHES FIRE:

#5.  Throw Carey Hart under the bus.
#4.  Quickly change the name of the tour from Pink Tour to Charcoal Grey Tour.
#3.   Impress PETA by putting out the fire with Beyonce’s mink coat.
#2.  Get back together with Carey Hart.
#1.  Use “you and your hand” to put out the fire.

Bill Gates will spend $1.5 billion over five years to support children’s health problems around the world.
**How about spending a little money on the error report I’m having to send every time my computer freezes for no apparent reason?  First things first!  Geez….

FarmVille is coming to the iPhone. Game maker Zynga revealed the new app last week.
**Yes, it will sync up with your Facebook account and you will officially have no life.

MTV has issued an apology in response to criticism that the network’s annual Movie Awards were wall-to-wall profanity. One review clocked more than 100 curse words in the 122-minute show.
**It was almost as naughty as watching 30 minutes of TMZ.

Email of the week….yes, people still send emails:

Hi Kelly!

Just want you to know I’m streaming on line all the way from Jemez Pueblo, New Mexico!! I found your radio station as I was browsing for something “different” to listen to and really like your station. I have been listening daily for about 3mos now and like the variety of music you play.  Thanks for playing music from my crazy high school days and beyond.

Harriet R. Armijo, CPC

The French Ministry of Education has knighted two Kansas City educators for their work spreading French language and culture to our area.  Rockhurst professor Kathleen Madigan and Ann Sunderland of Kansas City were knighted.
**Sadly, Mackenzie received NOTHING for her efforts to teach me dirty words in French.

KIDS ARE A LOT MORE COMPLICATED THAN THEY USED TO BE.

Eight teenagers in Lindsborg, Kansas have been praised for their decision to return a purse full of $100 bills.  The money was for a memorial for a man who had recently died.
**The kids returned the money after they decided the value of the dollar was being propped up by a falling Euro and they still think gold is the best hedge for their future.

Thanks for turning on GEN X RADIO!  I received a warm reception on stage at Theater in the Park Friday and several of the performers and stage crew grabbed me and thanked me personally for the changes at 99.7.  I would like to take credit for all of the changes at the station…so I did.

Give it a listen if you miss hearing all the good songs from the 80s and 90s from hip-hop, grunge, dance, pop, hair bands and my show weekdays from 2-7.  Listen online around the world at genxkc.com.

BTW, Facebook friend me!  My life is very interactive….

http://www.facebook.com/kellyurich

Kelly Urich

Greetings from Kelly Urich, the most trusted name in music!

I’m recovering from a canoe trip last weekend so this letter will be short.  I managed to make it through the entire experience without once using the phrase “purty lips” so I’m starting to mature.

Here are some upcoming Gen X Concerts:

Backstreet Boys… June 21/Midland by AMC

Michael Buble’….. June 26/Sprint Center

Cinderella… July 11/Midland by AMC

Adam Lambert…July 15/Midland by AMC

Lady Gaga…Aug 3/Sprint Center

American Idol Tour…Aug 27/Sprint Center

Jack Johnson…. Aug 21 / Cap Fed Park at Sandstone

Last week we learned that Lance Armstrong sent a twitpic of my Tour de BBQ poster from last year!  He has over 2 million followers so that was a big moment for the ride. The date is October 2 at the Power and Light District in Kansas City.  Last year we had riders fly in from New York, California, Texas and Georgia to do the ride.
Here is the link if you want to do a 60, 30 or 15 mile ride to fight cancer:

http://tourdebbq.com/

Now that Al and Tipper Gore have separated the only couple I can look up to for inspiration is Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller.

Mizzou and Nebraska have until Friday to announce whether or not they’re leaving the Big 12 sports conference for greater TV revenue.

**The University of Kansas athletic department is hoping to join the Ticketmaster conference.

A new report shows minorities are 70 percent more likely to be pulled over by police in Missouri and the NAACP says people are being racially profiled.

**In parts of Missouri you can be racially profiled for not saying “y’all” enough.

July 25 Manchester United will play the Wizards at Arrowhead in the biggest soccer game ever in Kansas City.  Manchester United was formed in 1878.  Soccer seems to be catching on in Kansas City as a crowd of at least 30 people are expected for the game.

Six people entered a fake spacecraft in Moscow last week to begin a 520-day simulation of a mission to and from Mars.

**It’s 520 days without any lovin’ or as I like to call it:  MIDLIFE CRISIS.

Former President George W. Bush joined Facebook Wednesday with his own page. When he was president, Facebook invited him to set up a fan page but he turned them down.

**Ironically, if he didn’t get on this time, Facebook threatened to share all of his personal information.

WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE

James Bond’s original Aston Martin from the films Goldfinger and Thunderball is for sale. A guy in Pennsylvania has owned it since 1969 and is now broke like all of our parents so he needs the money…

The International Educator Conference was last week at Bartle Hall.  Exchange students from Malaysia, Japan and other countries that have smart people are being courted to attend local colleges.

**That is, the exchange students who made it past Frances Semler.

Overland Park based Sprint launched its 4G service Friday in Kansas City.  Thanks to Fox 4’s Bill Hurrelbrink for calling and demonstrating the speed of the phone.

Thanks to a dropping number of flights nationwide, there is talk of building a new airport to replace KCI.  Instead of three separate terminals we would have just one main terminal to make the airport more efficient and convenient.

**If they want to make the airport more efficient and convenient, how about building it closer to Kansas City than it is to Omaha?

Sarah Ferguson offered to sell access to her husband for 3 quarters of a million dollars.  She admitted to Oprah she was drunk when she recorded the video that’s all over the internet.

**Oprah was thrilled to get the Duchess of York on her show so she could compare British accents.

Celine Dion announced that she’s pregnant with twins.

**John Edwards just released a statement saying, “He’s pretty sure it’s not his.”

BP is finally getting serious about plugging the gushing oil in the gulf.  They’re going to tape it up with that annoying tape they use to seal compact discs.

I must nurse my sunburn.   The $1,000 wheel takes on new life this week!  More details on my show today on Gen X Radio 99.7!

Kelly Urich